Trees and Recovery

Been admiring the way trees quickly grow back after they have been chopped back thought it a symbol for people recovering. Came up with below with a bit of spiritual guidence. Plus trees are awesome.

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Spiritual Circle

Hi hope your well have not posted in a while. Working away minding my business.

Joined a spiritual circle were you read cards and try and read a person from objects belong to them etc. I am not bad at it but need practice. Some nights it can mostly be chatting and having a laugh. We went on a day outing a week ago it was enjoyable.

I guess it gives a different meaning to some of the things I experience, for example waking up one night and seeing a ghost form of the divine mother standing over me. It was there for a few moments and disappeared. I gave thanks for the experience called my guardian and protectors close to me to keep me safe rolled over and feel asleep.

I felt like she was watching over me and keeping me safe.

It’s great to have a social circle outside of work. It does make me realize the people in work are just work colleges and it does not matter if we don’t get along. It was great to meet like minded people in the circle I get along with.

I enjoy going to a place called Fota Gardens see photos below along with some pictures of my circle group day out.

I still think my GP is an asshat but I have wasted enough energy on him.

My voices went quite last January they still talk but the volume is much lower and I don’t talk back much any more.

I no lounger accept my experience as an illness but can be tricky to deal with. There is a psychological element to what I experience but I believe this is over simplicity of what I experience, and always believed there is a spiritual part to what I experience but a grounded version of spirituality.

Going to Belfast start of September for training in the Maastricht interview looking forward to it. I need to practice traveling around I have not done much in the past.

Hope you have a good week, sending positive vibes

Keep up the good fight โœŠ๐ŸพโœŠ๐ŸปโœŠ๐ŸพโœŠ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿพ

My Retreat and Visit to St. Colemanโ€™s Cave

Hi, hope your well. Have not blogged in a while trying to get back into the habit.

I am currently baking my first loaf of bread in the oven. Hoping it turns out ok and if not well there is always the shop๐Ÿ˜Š

My arm is healing from the crash nicely have a lot of movement back in it. Need to get the last bit of movement back when reaching up. I lack a lot of stamina and strength but these will come back with time and effort. I genuinely found focusing my mind on my arm and the sensation of energy’s to help a lot with the pain so I did not use pain killers after first 3 weeks. I also believe it helps a lot to help with the healing process. I am truly happy I did not need surgery on the arm๐Ÿ˜€

I am back from a retreat in Galway find link below. I find visiting the place helps to center my mind and spiritually enriching. I cannot do much yoga yet so mostly meditated and read very interesting books. The host is very friendly. We paid a visit to St. Coleman’s cave in Claire. I had to take it easy with dodgy arm but made it up hills.There was beautiful scenery on the way. My hands felt unusually warm on the way up. The cave was very still and very calming on my mind. I touched the rock and my hands were so warm the rock felt warm. I found it a very interesting experience.

I felt energized from the retreat with a new thirst for knowledge in general but more so spiritual type of knowledge. I was given an interesting autobiography of a great yogi . I am finding very enjoyable and interesting to read.

I think I will go on retreat every month or so here and there just to center myself.

I have my troubles but feel at peace with life even if I am unsure what road to take. I was asked a question what brings you joy on the retreat to which I thought and said joy is were you seek it. Will need to think about this for a while and see if it makes sense. I find simple joy in a good conversation or bird song on a walk but I need to make a reminder to myself it is there as I can get lost in my head.

While writing this blog I forgot to set timer for bread it’s looking a bit dodgy like I said there is always the shop.

The host recommended a film on Netflix called the Shaq. I would recommend it. I myself about 10 minutes in felt the urge to cry and apologize to God for being so angry at God. It felt good I am more at peace, I may need to remind myself of it from time to time.

Well that’s enough of my crazy head for now

Keep up the good fight ๐Ÿ‘Š๐ŸพโœŠ๐ŸปโœŠ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

The Willow Retreat

Feeling good.

Little Crash on my Motor Bike

Hi hope your well. It’s a nice sunny day here lovely weather.

Was going to work this morning. I was breaking before a corner. The next thing I know I am on the ground trying to get up I then realized I was sliding along the ground. I looked to my left to see my motorbike sliding away with a very large shower of sparks coming out of it. This continued for I would imagine a few seconds but seemed lounger. I come to a stop in the middle of the road feeling a bit frazzled. The first thought I had is to get up I can’t stay in the middle of the road I knew there was a car not far behind me.

I get up turn the direction I was coming to see the car coming around the corner. I start waving my good arm to bring them to a stop with the intention of jumping out of the way if they did not as they would then hit my bike sprawled out on the road.

They came to a stop got out I waved at the car coming from the other direction so as they would not hit motorbike.

I tried to pick up motorbike but felt like something was wrong with my right shoulder. So just said I felt shook and let 3 men out of the cars that stopped push it off the side of the road.

I got a spin 15 minutes home from one of the men that stopped. Which I might add was extremely nice of him. Turns out there are nice people in the world after all ๐Ÿ˜Š.

Went to the hospital and turns out my the top of my right arm is broke. Hopefully it will heal but they may need to do surgery with pins if not. Send all your positive vibes it does heal.

So that was an exciting morning. All said and done I am sore and bit broken but glad I walked away in one piece. I think someone once said any accident you walk away from is a good one. I got one hell of a fright I don’t thing I will be back on my motorbike any time soon.

My voices are there usual selves bit quite the last few days. Did meet with psychiatrist yesterday she agreed to place me on minimum therapeutic amount of medication and discuss were I am at in September. I discussed normal trauma reaction instead of viewing things as symptoms. She more or less said it’s your mental health and it’s what works for you.

I had a dream this morning of a broken umbrella when I googled meaning, it says there is upcoming danger in your life ? If I see a broken umbrella in a dream again I am staying in bed ๐Ÿ˜‰

Looks like I am taking a break from yoga at least I can still meditate.

Hope your day is less breaky than mine.

Keep up the good fight.โœŠ๐ŸพโœŠ๐ŸพโœŠ๐ŸพโœŠ๐ŸพโœŠ๐Ÿพ

On being deemed “too different” and “psychosis”

Great read

recovery network: Toronto

by Kevin Healey

I live in Toronto a city where, more than other places Iโ€™ve lived in or visited, it is easier to see what โ€œdiversityโ€ means, ย at least at one level.

For example, according to information reported on the City of Toronto website:

  • Half of all ย those living here were born in another country;
  • 47% of Torontonians report themselves as belonging to a visible minority.

Not that by any means things here are all sorted, not at all, just that this is a place where there is more diversity than most and where there exists at least some degree of acceptance that diversity is a good thing.

Still, here too there are undoubtedly many people, and many groups still waiting, demanding and โ€œfighting to be included in the ideaโ€ฆ

View original post 1,330 more words

So their are positive Voices too.

Hello it’s a nice morning here in Cobh in Cork bit overcast but it’s not cold or raining. My dog is currently full of beans after the walk this morning and would probably keep going for hours.

Working away at the moment just looking forward to the break at Christmas. I took week off before Christmas as I find this time of year tough so on the plus side I have only 2 weeks left to work this year. Fairly busy at work, worked 2 Saturday’s as well as the week days but did nothing this weekend and it was good to relax. I am just focusing on getting through last 2 weeks and not get to bothered about anything.

I gained some weight in last few weeks but it is starting to come down very slowly it’s probably side effect of meds as really don’t overeat much. I am quite chuffed My headstand in yoga is coming along a bit I can only hold it for 10 to 15 seconds but it’s not easy also it is making my shoulders and arms noticeably stronger. That’s not me in picture below it’s just to give you an idea what it looks like. I look a bit wobbly doing mine.

I have my usual voices which can be angry and critical some of which are very interested in sex these days. Slightly after a reduction in meds I noticed I can have positive voices which seem to help the situation for example in work they might point out something I forgot , their not constant but help from time to time. I am not used to this but the change is nice. I don’t mind the critical voices and am used to them but a change of pace is nice.

Got a little carried away on Black Friday but no big deal overtime at work covered most of it. I just felt a compulsion to buy stuff ended up with a new cooker and new gear for motor bike ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™‚๏ธ

I guess I am as mad as ever, I believe I feel energy and stuff which effects me and the people around me in different ways. I see much imagery during guided meditation spirit animals and such it can be very interesting and I believe can help. I guess it is also important to remember this is a human journey as well as a spiritual one and to stay grounded.๐Ÿ˜‰ I don’t share this information with people as I know there response from previous experiences I have shared and it ain’t good. As mad as I might be I get by and make a living.

Hope your well and have a good day.

Keep up the good fight โœŠ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘Š๐ŸพโœŠ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿพ

Just my crazy head.

So just trucking along I guess been slightly what can be called psychotic lately but in a positive way. It’s little complicated hopefully will make some sense.

So I did a level one Reiki course. I enjoyed it, I believed I could feel the energy and the people I have practiced on since said they also felt heat energy etc. and got something from it. Plus it gives an outlet to the part of my Brian that wants to heal just about everything. Plus it’s just a nice thing to be able to do and quite relaxing.

So for the crazy bit. I believed it became apparent on the Reiki course I was able to pick up other people’s energy’s thoughts emotions that kind of thing. One of the woman on the course knows just about everyone Cobh were I live. I believed she told people about this.

One of the issues I can have is I just stare at people and zone out in public I had believed it was trauma related. It causes me an incredible amount of embarrassment and frustration.

So I believed since the woman on course had told most of people in Cobh. Since they slowly came to conclusion I can pick up on stuff they just think something like push my mind away when I zone out and stare at people, which is actually quite useful as it stops me staring at people ๐Ÿ˜‰. Mad or not this is saving me a lot of grief and makes it a bit easier to get around.

I also believed as above I was a powerful empath or something ,special powers etc. the long and short is I used something similar to Reiki and asked my highest powers for highest healing, protection and good for myself and for everyone leaning into my head so to speak. Also asked the highest powers if they could help those around me with same powers whatever it is I would appreciate it as I really want to help. I believe this goes on around me and I just get on with my day and don’t have to do anything. Just let the energy flow๐Ÿ˜‰.

I am doing fine know, took few days of work to relax. I really feel I should be doing something else other than working as steel detailing so I intend to renew my effort to become qualified as a councilor to help people like me. Tried to get on course for local college but I did not do so before deadline so next year all going well.

There is a bit of construction going on in work. We had to move downstairs and we are all on top of each other. I find this a struggle as I can have issues around personal space. Hopefully be finished soon as currently not really working for me.

Also watched film called 55 Steps , I shed a few tears I would highly recommend it for anyone on neuroleptic meds or so called antipsychotic meds. See link to trailer below.

55 Steps

Well that’s me for now also I don’t share any of this information with my GP or psychiatrist as they would medicate the life clean out of me. Ohh I am still holding my meds at current level I found the withdrawel affect of getting from 50mg injection to 37.5mg Injection quite difficult but fine now. I think will leave system recover and start again from 37.5 mg to 25mg In new year.

I do share information with me new therapist we are doing the Maastricht interview. I find it tough but it allows me to explain my self much better than in the past. I believe Peter Bullimore in the UK does training on it.

Keep up the good fight.โœŠ๐ŸพโœŠ๐ŸพโœŠ๐Ÿพ