Tapering GP Issue

Hi hope your well,

As mentioned in previous posts started tapering my meds. Had planned to make it as slow as possible. The psychiatrist recommended reduce to certain amount and see what happens. I take medication from GP by injection. I discussed with my GP I would like to reduce slower than the big jump psychiatrist suggested. He reluctantly agreed.

My mother went to collect my injection week or two ago and GP ignored what I had discussed with him and reduced prescription by the big jump I was trying to avoid. My mother all fairness reacted well enough when she rang me to see what was going on. She got the pharmacist to get the dosage I requested to bring to GP and rang GP and gave him bit of a bollocking.

When I went to GP he just blamed the pharmacist and also just said that was what psychiatrist prescribed. And more or less ignored what I had requested. The more I deal with the guy the more of a complete twit the guy is.

So I have had two injections at reduced dosage and so far it’s going well. However I have noticed a lot of dizziness. Considered getting train from work instead of motorcycle as my balance is bit off but I was fine. Will mention to my GP but given he’s a fucking Moran I don’t expect much of reaction.

I am working away and doing little yoga , somewhat cautiously as balance bit off. Doing a bit of meditation I enjoy it, sometimes I am good at it other times it can be a struggle. Started going for long walks at the weekend get the endorphins going , might hopefully offset effects of tapering a bit.

Decided not to react or interact with the voices in my mind as much but pay attention to what the say without reacting 98% of the time.

As usual when I mediate I can see images , mostly nice ones these days. I believe the last one was of a nice pond with a gold fish in it.

Got stuck in to my next course but it is largely DSM based and not very good.

It is lovely weather here at the moment plan to go for a walk most days after work get a bit of fresh air most days. Good for the mind.

Been watching stand up comedy’s on Netflix some are very good. Will have a look for one now and see if any good.

Hope this post finds you well.

Keep up the good fight✊🏻

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Tapering with medical support.

It’s a lovely day here in Cork. Hope your well.

It’s started to get busy at work again. We started doing overtime again did some 10 hr days feeling bit tired now but extra money will come in handy.

Still doing yoga and meditation I genuinely believe they benefit the mind and body. Just watched a great Ted Talk about meditation it’s worth a look if you have the time. See link below.

Ted Talk

Was at GP earlier he eventually got letter from the psychiatrist who was good to her word and said to start a trail at a reduced dose of my injection to see what happens. As I expected the psychiatrist wanted to reduce at a much greater rate than I have read was safe. I managed to talk my GP into reducing at a slower rate to the amount the psychiatrist recommended. So now just have to see what happens.

I still experience the same stuff I experienced 10 years ago when I was quite bad And really struggled. Since then I have just changed my perspective on my experiences. I have done what I can to help myself not be a victim anymore I guess it’s a work in progress. If I compared my outlook 10 years ago to now it is vastly different. Back then I did not want to live and felt completely powerless. I can still struggle and have bad days but I love life even if it can be shit it can also be beautiful.

I also went vegetarian two weeks ago. I was thinking about it for a while and there was a voice of a child in my head objecting to eating meat so am giving it a go. Eating a lot of fake meat stuff it tastes fine but I want to make more of an effort to eat fresh food. Just had one of my usual voices Mary happily inform me she could not give a fuck about me being vegetarian with a laugh.😉

Keep up the good fight ✊🏻✊🏻✊🏻

Tapering

Hello hope your well currently a nice blustery day here. Just back from morning walk with dog. Have not posted in a while as did not feel the need also felt like I was repeating stuff.

I have decided to stop running for a while but have increased my yoga practice. Doing 45min class on Sarah Beth yoga app most mornings. I am slowly improving but still quite bad at some poses. The breathing is very tricky to get hang of but It helps me set an intention of calm each morning which can be useful during the day when dealing with people.

I try to meditate most days which I can be bad at but I still find it useful. I used to practise before I went to sleep but now I fall asleep 5mins after I start to practise. I have taken a liking to meditate in the evenings instead of watching tv. Finding stuff on tv and Netflix just unpleasant to watch.

Did short video on my phone about my mental health might be part of internet thing for mental health awareness month. Hopefully they will use a bit of it.

Been doing course online on introduction to psychology. Its interesting but lot of material to cover. I have 4 modules of 7 done. Might be tight for time on last few modules. Will rush them to get them done if need there of.

I got a pack of information of hearing voices wales it has workbooks etc to get through for people who hear voices. It’s interesting but most spare time tied up with online course at the moment.

Still working away but it’s quite in work at moment but there is work coming up so hopefully be ok. Plus lot of work around cork at moment so not to worried.

The complaint I made about my GP did not come to much. But I went to a psychiatrist who I explained what I experience and how I deal with it. She agreed I was not getting much from current medication I am on. She would recommend to GP I taper off it slowly. I was left baffled by this I genuinely thought she would just ignore me but she was open to how I dealt with things. Reading stuff on site the withdrawal project and made 2 connections with people who have done or are doing the same thing. So just have to see how I go with tapering meds. Wish me luck.😉

In post I made a while ago I mentioned I got very angry at work around the time I last reduced my meds year and half ago. I thought it had to do with stuff I was going through but I have since read and spoke to someone about intense anger can be side effect of reducing meds to fast. When I think of reduction my GP made it was way to much plus he said there are no side effects. I have read there can be many. I really am starting to think my GP is a twit.

Thanks for reading, have a good day

Keep up the good fight✊🏾

My meds and GP compliant 

It’s a wet Friday night where I am at. My mood is good as I hope is yours.

Practise yoga each morning for 15 mins. Sarahbethyoga on YouTube is very good if you feel so inclined. I am still terrible at some poses but getting the hang of others. Get some meditation most days. In practiseing mindfulness I have noted once again my incredible ability to have an imaginary argument in my mind. It truly amazes me I get up in the morning and try some what haphazardly to practise yoga then as soon as I get to make breakeast I am having an imaginary argument in my mind. I become aware of it usually fairly fast and stop it in its tracks just to start a completely new argument 30 secs later it’s pure gas. I think this is among the reasons the voices in my mind call me the angriest man in the world. I believe there is a lot of anger and frustration at things in my past and present which I must learn to focus in a positive way.

I found myself constantly arguing in my mind about taking medication which I believe has not helped my position. Upon my GP not going for a reduction in my meds and said he would set up meeting with psychiatrist which I have no faith in, which I mentioned in previous post . I was annoyed and made a complaint to some medical board. I think it was 2 weeks ago . I promptly forgot about it and did not think it would amount to much. I received an email a day or two ago saying they acknowledged my email and would review in some committee.

I went to my GP today to get my injection and had not realised they had informed my GP. Which led to a very tricky conversation in which he started typing out what I was saying. He said he could not treat me and said he would look into another GP giving me my injection. Does not bother me to much did not think much of him as GP. He said it was causing him a lot of stress. I had no clue what to say. I don’t think I will see much of him anymore. He also said it would be difficult to treat me in future as I may make a compliant about him, not sure what to make of that statement.

No clue what will happen. The compliants board asked me to produce any evidence to support my complaint. I might ask around for advice to see what people say. I really did not think they would take someone like me seriously but they seem to be.

Other than odd conversation with my now ex-GP. Just working away doing my think trying to make time for WordPress but not feeling it these days so watching Ted Talks on app on iPad . There is some great stuff on it.

Doing bit more running these days trying to enjoy it. Not doing much just 3miles a few times a week.

Well that’s my update.😀

Keep up the good fight✊🏾

Hearing Voices Committee 

Greetings fellow humans.

I have the day off work today. Did little yoga and running this morning and it’s a nice evening here now.

Still practising meditation and yoga. Doing a more vigorous yoga class at the moment. I am used to running which is very competitive and your always trying to beat your times in races. Yoga is different your not competing with anybody just trying to get the hang of the pose and be mindful with your thoughts and breathing. It was a bit of shock to system trying more difficult yoga class the sweat was pouring out of me I had never done so many downward dogs in my life (it’s a easy looking yoga pose which is surprisingly difficult.) I am not sure I really want to stay at running it really tough on the body I always have aches and pains from it, yoga is much easier on the body now I am at plus side of forty. Running really was a joy in the past I am just not sure about it anymore.

I went to a comedy show last Saturday, it was funny enough. I plan to keep an eye out for comedy shows in future there quite enjoyable. I was proud I managed to be around so many people in theatre and still be in control of my thoughts and not get paranoid at things. I guess this was me making progress.

Finishing up large job in work hopefully it will be ok on site, there was a bit of a rush to get it out. Work relationships seem to be going ok hopefully stay this way. Sister started new job today hope it works out for her she has been out of work 2 years.

Made a compliant about my GP to HSE in relation to not reducing my meds. They gave me a email to some other body so I sent complaint to them. I don’t really think they will do much but I just want my voice heard somewhere. I also meet with a woman called Mary Maddock she wrote a book and is very against psychiatrists and had horrible experiences at there hands. I plan to read the book this evening. She might know a GP that may be able to help, see what happens I guess.

Meet with hearing voices committee today, that seem nice enough and are happy for me to be on committee. Will just play it by ear and hopefully make a useful contribution at some stage. Hoping to have hearing voices group possiblable set up before or around xmass again be interesting to see what happens.

Saw interesting Ted Talk “the magic off not giving a fuck” worth a look kinda funny. See link below.

Ted Talk

Hope your well

Keep up the good fight ✊🏾

Hearing Voices Group & Darkness

Hi, it’s early in the morning hear decided to do quick post.

Meet up with guy on committee of HVN. It seemed to go well. I was tasked with trying to find a venue for free around 6 in the evening. No clue were to start tried libarays but they only had room at weekend found a place local for about 25 Euro an hour which is not to bad but not free. Not sure who to ask now but will keep an eye out. He asked me to attend committee meeting in months time. See how it goes.

Turned up for Thi chi last Saturday but no one around bit disappointed but intend to look at you tube see if can learn a bit of it. They changed the times of yoga classes so need to find new one. I think there is a few around city will look at today. Trying another TRE class today last one went fine should be ok I intend to practise it going into the future.

Practise meditation every morning and night. When meditationing I get feeling in my back now which reminds me of being held (gripped as if owened by him) by my abusive grandfather. I try and relax but it is a bit unsettling but I try not to let it bother me. The voices claim it’s them and they want to hurt me. They claim they do just about everything so I take what they say with a pinch of salt. Still practising 15min yoga each morning it’s nice way to start the day.

Mood been a bit funny lately, I turned 42 yesturday. I was feeling it was great to be alive but yesturday I seemed to run out of steam at work, I just felt flat. I got my work done and headed home. I sat at home scrolling through social media trying to encourage myself to make my dinner. I sort of wished I had marked my birthday some way and to not need to go to class the day after to learn how to get rid of trauma from the body. I tried to accept were I was at but it was hard too, I didn’t ask to be like this. Part of me wants to get out in the world and part of me wants to utterly retreat from it. I had a little suicidal feelings. I tried some music to improve mood but thought this is just hiding from myself. I tried to accept the emptiness inside me given my life I will be spending at least some time alone I need to be comfortable alone. I tried to just feel were I was at and it was fine to feel upset I got a little teary and just tried to stay with this emotion. I thought of my niece texting my happy birthday and taking piss that I was old. I smiled and tried to keep feeling of emptiness or darkness in me next to feeling of happiness of interacting with my niece. My mood swiftly lifted and I felt fine. This all happened within 10 mins of arriving in the door of my home. I am fine just in funny mood. I still struggle to interact with people. If I allow it can have massive impact on my mood. I still try to come up with ways not to have too interact with people.

Right I am going to practise some yoga and get on with my day.

Hope this post finds you well.

Keep up the good fight😉