The Misconceptions of Schizoaffective Disorder

There are many misconceptions about schizoaffective disorder, schizophrenia and bipolar. This is due to the lack of education surrounding mental health. Many of these misconceptions can increase th…

Source: The Misconceptions of Schizoaffective Disorder

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Me and my schizophrenia

I turned 40 last year and in the  last ten years there has been a lot of drama. I suffered with problems with my mental health since I was a child. I remember lots of strange memories of things that I now realise never happened.

These usually involved interacting with spirits and people around me freaking out but usually were not negative. I have many memories which seem as real as anything else I remember. I guess this gave me an odd sense of reality.

Other than being quiet and shy as a child I never was questioned on my mental health and continued in my odd little world.

As I grew up and went to college I did not change much. I grew to hate interacting with people and went to a lot of trouble to avoid them. I don’t have much to say and interacting with people causes me a lot of stress. In college I grew very depressed, rarely showed up and no clue how I scraped through 3 years of it. The hallucination’s grew a lot worse during college. The way I lived at the time did not help cutting myself of from people. I was also trying to deal with being sexually abused as a child which really did not help the situation. I just kept to myself and drank a lot and ate a lot of bad food.

My first memory of hearing voices was when I was a about 25. Can’t remember this happening before this . They copied the voices of people around me which was confusing.

I continued on in life avoiding people, drinking and eating poorly. In my early 30’s things got very bad, I was hearing voices regularly and some visual hallucinations. My paranoia was very bad and my sense of reality was not good. I went through a bad couple of years which I might go into in a different post. In and out of hospitals and a few suicide attempts.

They eventually ended up injecting my once every 2 weeks with medication which eventually helped with some of the symptoms but I have heard voices for last 10 years or so every day.

I had been out of work a few years and had put on a lot of weight. I was watching tv one day and decided there must be more to life than this. I started walking every day and eating healthy food. I lost around 7 stone and eventually got lucky and got a job.

I took up running and have 3 marathons to my name. I still hear voices every day telling me I am evil but I think I have got used to them, I still have bad days like everybody else but I get by.

I read books about people surviving schizophrenia, from what I have read most people suffering from it just want to get by and get a job, not axe welding nutters (seriously I don’t even have an axe).

I don’t tell anyone about it because of the stigma and I am a bit of a coward. It would be nice some day to be able to talk openly about it but I don’t see it happening in my life time.

I intend to blog about stuff relevant to my mental health and my love of running. I hope this post finds you well. Saw another blog  like this and thought I would give it a go.

All The best.