General update and useful links

Triggering waning child abuse mentioned

General Stuff

I was going for my morning walk the other day, and I started asking myself why I struggle so much on the run up to xmass. I asked myself why over and over again, other than the obvious darker days. Suddenly a memory popped into my head.

When the sexual abuse stopped at around age 6-8, my grandfather used to call to the house at xmass I think for few years afterwards. He gave money to my parents for xmass. The memory popped in to my head of thinking the bastard is calling again. This would make me feel uneasy on the run up to xmass every year. I used to stare at him with utter hatred and I remember him just laughing. I belive he made an effort to give the money to my parents while I was watching. I could not but help thing this was hush money to keep my quiet. I believe this went on for few years.

I know it sounds silly for a grown man to say but I believe this uneasy feeling has stayed with me through the years without me realising what it is. I intend to mention this to my therapist to get her opinion in the new year.

Also my post Just another episode , you can read this on my site if you scroll back one or two posts, were I was discussing about intense angry feeling. On the night my therapist was asking my to write letter to my grandfather and I struggled with it. I went home and my mother was talking to my sister about my grandfather. He had a government bond and it won 20 euro and someone had to go and collect it. I think this also triggered something off in my rather odd brain. Even do he is long dead thankfully. It seems he is still paying them money to keep my quiet(I know that sounds a bit mad but it’s hard to let go of the past when it’s thrown in your face like that). I now I could be reaching but I intent to discuss this with my therapist  just to help get perspective on it.

Links

Been looking a little bit online about my label. There are some very useful sites , I have only started looking at them but would like to stick up here in case any one found them useful. I think most of them are in U.K. But the information is still good.

Intervoice Site
Hearing voices site
Recovery Site
Paranoia web site
Interesting woman she runs courses during the year
Medication

I have started on a lower dose of medication to see how I get on, for last few months. I think I am doing fine, as mentioned in previous post I did have an episode which I dealt with as best I could , there was a time I would not have been able to do this.

I have had the same symtoms and unusual beliefs for the last ten years or so. Everyone around me believes I am doing so well because of medication. But I believe since I have the same symtoms I had ten years ago and I have basically learned to live with it, I don’t see any reason to continue with the medication. I was very surprised when I mentioned to my GP about a lower dose he said that was fine and he was going to suggest it to me. He would like to keep me on lower dose for 6 months and then see how I am doing before deciding anything else. I will just see how it goes and if I feel I cannot deal with life just get him to up the dose again. I would like to say I have been reading stories of people who have been able to come off there medication slowly once they have dealt with issues around there mental health , the last  link above about the interesting woman is one of these people.

My mother nearly had a fit when I told her about medication. I was getting an injection every two weeks now it’s every 3 weeks . She tried to make an appointment in the doctors on the second week even do I told her I was trying 3 weeks. When I told her it is every 3 weeks. She said it was not happening it a rather angry voice, I calmly told her I was not going , to which she replied fine I want nothing to do with it your on your own. This suited me fine she then started to give me dire warning of the consequences of changing the medication every few days for a while after that. She said I would just end up in hospital again. As you can guess she has a habit of looking on the bright side of things. If everything is ok in 6 months time I intend to find a mental health advocate to help me argue my case and hopefully find a psychiatrist who is sympathetic to my cause as I know my current one will hear absolutely nothing about coming off medication or even trying a lower dose. I may have to shut out my mother out of all information to do with my treatment as she has a habit of controlling everything and have it the last say which given her own problems is just not healthy for me.

Training and weight

I am running away and making progress , but when you do heart rate training anything can effect it. A change in my medication is obviously having an impact. I guess my body will have to get used to new dosage. I had my last injection on Friday the day after my pace per mile is out by 1min 30secs per mile. When your as slow as me this is a lot. It seems the week after my injection I can pretty much scrap the week but the week after this it goes back to normal.On the plus side since I changed dosage I lost 7 pounds while eating the same thing. I mentioned this to my family but they just don’t want to hear it, they put these things down to other factors , I just could not be bothered talk to them any more about it they don’t seem to hear a word I say and have there minds made up already. If I eat even a little bit of rubbish food on these meds my weight shoots up. So I have decided to train and eat clean. I would recommend site below about training and food which I have been trying it for few months back now and have made slow and steady progress. It basically gets your body very efficient at burning fat for fuel I have found this useful as I don’t feel hungry as much I can get up in the morning and run 8miles on an empty stomach without any adverse side effects. I don’t get hungry for sweets and sugery things , which is useful as my meds can cause people to eat surgery stuff and it effects your fat burning capacity causing people to gain weight , trust me I know I gained 7stone on them.

Training website
Well that’s all I want to moan about , hope this post finds you well.

Keep up the good fight & Keep on truckin✊🏻

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8 thoughts on “General update and useful links

  1. Hi Schizophrenia548,
    This is Linda from the saveoursanityblog at wordpress. I just read some of your blog. It makes me so angry when I read or hear about such abusive parents, and your grandfather was a monster. He should have been put in prison.

    You may be interested in watching a video entitled “Masks of Madness, Science of Healing.” It’s about the orthomolecular approach to mental health. Orthomolecular is very effective. (The late) Abram Hoffer, MD is considered the founder of this form of care and he helped produce the video. Dr. Hoffer was a biochemist before becoming an MD and later on, a psychiatrist. He treated all his patients with 3 grams daily of vitamin B-3 (usually the niacinamide form since the niacin form causes the “niacin flush” in divided doses. In addition, he had patients take some B complex every day, such as one B-50 or one B-100. Later, he added other nutrients. I had my own son get vitamin B injections which helped him tremendously, although he never had schizophrenia, just “ADHD.” People in the video (and I met almost all of them in person at orthomolecular conferences) talk a lot about vitamin B-3.

    If you look into the orthomolecular approach I’m sure you’ll find it helpful. Most people love how it makes them feel. I used to use it myself for anxiety but that’s all gone now.
    Drop me a line over at my blog sometime.
    Wishing you a wonderful 2017.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I am off medication completely. I don’t use it except occasionally seroquel to sleep and I haven’t had any of that for months. I am at a point that at least in public I can behave normal but an still schizophrenic.
        My mom is also very controlling. I eventually told her my stepfather sexually abused me. I was an adult by this time and it was a bit of a spectacle and she didn’t believe me. I’m very honest actually and always have been but she prefers to think I lie about everything. Maybe this way by belittling me she escapes her own conscious. I say she is controlling to say that a year and a half ago I moved in with her and she insisted I used medication. She dismissed any notion of not using medication. While I lived with her 6 months I fell apart completely, was very depressed and she eventually told me I had to leave because she had no patients for my depression. She would have dropped me at any homeless shelter.
        I left before my time was up. I don’t like to have contact with her. It’s better when I don’t. This is for me, though maybe not for you. I’ve become more active since. I feel better since. Not cured but better.
        One thing that helped is becoming Fruitarian. I used to be. It does something great to the mind and body. There are videos about it on YouTube.
        Someone can relate. I’m tearing up.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It sounds like your mother has a lot of owning up to do. I find it hard to believe she was not aware of the abuse and calls you a lier to make herself feel better. I am a little jealous you are off your meds, I really want to find out if I can do same. Not sure I could survive on the diet your on but if it works for you all the best with it. I also find staying active useful for my head even if it’s just for a walk. Hoping you are well.
        From what I have read people for have suffered sexual abuse can have things like the voices calling them peodofile and the sensations of the voices sexually abusing/attacking them in there sleep along with sexually violent dreams, along with horrible intrusive thoughts, sensations and images. You are not alone even if people just don’t know or talk about this highly taboo topic. I can’t help but feel society has utterly failed to protect us as children, and since there is very little known or desire in most quarters to deal with this taboo topic , society has once again utterly failed us as adults. That said some of the links in post are to people making the effort to educate people about this.
        I own the house I live in otherwise I would move out. My parents moved in when I was admitted to hospital first time and there not budging no clue what to do about them.
        It does cheer me up a bit to hear of someone can relate to what I experience. Although I am truly sorry that you are able to relate to anything in my life. Keep up the good fight.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I am doing a course online about violent and taboo voices , I requested information of the effects of various abuse on the body , it might explain some of what people go through, I might post information if get anything useful.

        Like

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