So just a little question what is Enlightenment/Grace/Divinity/. These are questions and mere opinions of one who fully acknowledges he knows nothing and is learning. See past post. The Man Who Knows Nothing
I could quote many fancy stuff from the internet and make lovely arguments about this that and the other in big fancy words but I don’t want to. I am just going to say what they mean to me briefly. I have a high energy now and just need to plough it into something. I guess this is it.
Enlightenment to me is acceptance/understanding of life and those around you with compassion and love but not to make you a doormat/controlled by anybody or anything or ideology or any system of control. The ability to listen, think, accept and act in love and compassion and peace. What is love and compassion. I don’t know, it makes your heart smile when you feel it. To smile at someone with compassion even with tears in your own eyes and your own heart hurts. To learn to take care of yourself even when your first instinct is to give or to give when your first instinct is to hold on. To let go of what just does not serve the good in you and others even when they slap your face. It is parents of a family who sacrifice for their kids who are our future. It is what we feel for our partners when they are not driving us mad. Love is many things to many people.
I guess compassion and acceptance and the fight for what you believe in and who you believe in. Yet the ability to be at peace with yourself and others in a world that is not quite at peace with itself and the ability to deal with that with a peaceful and loving heart when what is being slapped in your face. But these are just ideas not enlightenment much harder to do. I am sure they are much nicer ways of saying this and it has been done fancier many times I just want to write what it means to me now in this moment not to quote those who are enlightened ,who would probably make it sound much better and wiser. Have a think what does it mean to you. Without quoting anyone teachings or ideas as much as possible and no fancy words make it real simple.
Grace/Divinity, To me these are sort of the same thing given my belief system which I draw from just about anywhere and what I have channeled and understand myself. Doing my best not to quote anyone’s ideas grace to me is sort of love and compassion and a link to God/Goddess and enlightened beings. It is the spiritual enlightened beings who through them we feel the Grace of the Divine there love their understanding of us utterly. It is a love that see’s every part of us all the light all the dark and loves us as fiercely regardless with every fiber of its being. I believe there are consequences for everything but the love they feel through all of it never diminishes no matter what we do. The brief sense of connection to the Divine I have felt in the dark times and in good times. The brief occasions I asked it shone on others and I thank it a million fold. It is the guidance they give us even if we cannot see it.
The ever guiding light home. Where we belong.
Thanks for reading just felt a build up of energy to do something I guess this is it. Well the energy is gone so all good my side. It is not meant to offend and I wish you well.
Love and Light Keep up the Good Fight
What do these things me to you, go have a think try not to quote anyone or use big fancy words see what you got.
Below is a link to gofundme for self care cards I am trying to get off the ground any help appreciated, Much Gratitude and thanks.
How we now, hope your well. Lovely day here in Cork. See pictures below. Just finished my days work on PC it is good to have my facilities in better shape if not 100%, I am definitely better at work. I have been asking myself about working and being unwell and the general response as I see it from what I see as main stream society.
Lady Luna continues to still evade my attempts to catch her glory and prompts me to do better to see her wares.
Again nothing below is meant to give offense in anyway please do not take offense as this is just my personal experiences.
I have my struggles like everyone but was extremely unwell last year a similar experience I had 14 years ago. My voices went completely into Nuke me the fuck out of here mode. My version of reality became very skewed. The intrusive thoughts/images/sensations etc. and paranoia on a scale of 1-10 was about 50 million.
My recovery is ongoing their are good and bad days but much better than where I was. So I was thinking which is dangerous as they say. When I started to get unwell I was designing cards and working a full week at Steel detailing in front of a PC. I rang my Boss saying well I was not doing well and the idea of working 4 days a week. Possibly stepping back completely. After a brief discussion we decided I was going to work on as always. I let the others in the house know and few people around me. I realize after my outer appearance looked fine bit spaced out but I am like a ninja at hiding that. I can literally smile and answer people without having a single clue what is going on or even what I am talking about. I had been like this for months, It felt like this the whole time while simultaneously feeling spiritually high at the same time. But hey I was working I knew everything after years of this it really was nothing new. I believed this toughened me I could take it.
I had cut myself off as I was having intrusive stuff of an unpleasant nature come through and thought people could read my mind. Which trust me you do not want to share this stuff. I worked through it but during this time could of made a mistake in work which could lead me to getting my ass fired in a job. I am actually back in form enough to do now. I would imagine being canned would be a stressful experience which would not be useful for anyone’s mental health.
At the time of course there was bills to pay and I listened to other people encouraging to stay working. I can’t help but wonder if I just stepped back for two weeks and just took sick pay would that have completely changed the situation. Would I be in a better place now and not have had the experience I had possibly lining me up now to getting fired when I can work away. Also if I had a physical aliment would the Boss and folk around even considered me in working shape. Don’t get me wrong I need the work but I do rely on others opinions if bit unwell.
I remember my thinking at the time and still is. If I step back the GP would be called as before and if I could not convince him I could handle it (especially given my past). I thought I would lose my liberties be committed and given more medication at a level that is not good for anyone. I still believe this today to some extent but I am in the driving seat more now as have a good relationship with my psychiatrist and I am talking to people albeit on zoom but everyone in the same boat.
I think the same issues that came up 14 years ago are just coming up again for me to deal with which I am getting help with. That said it is 14 years later and around half of that was not working just sitting around not doing much. They even placed me on invalidity pension so as far as the state was concerned this one is written off. Not knocking anyone on it but I was in my 30is and I had the capacity to work. Also on the payment I was on I could not really qualify for training in IT which was the line I was hoping to go into at the time. I did find training with a place called the National Learning Network in Ireland and would have landed a job but for the payment I was on in IT. Which was disappointing given the amount of effort I put in at the time.
I can’t help but think if I had met someone with experience like I have now It would have made a big difference. Or the people and groups that support me now would have made a 1000% difference but these take time to build up. I am not sure where I am going with this and I know everyone is doing there best especially 14 years ago when I crashed. That said I did not meet a single person who hears voices through the whole experience until about 6 years in which I believe this would have helped a lot. It would have placed me in a better place much faster would a saved the state loads and I would have been a happy tax payer again. Also a much happier person much sooner with issues from the past at least discussed and had me in a better place.
I would not have felt like a complete freak with experiences. I did not understand and did not know others even had. I recall my experience at one mental institution where a young lady at dinner said “So where are all the mad people , you know the ones who hear voices” everyone shushed her and pointed their heads towards me. I was not in a good place at the time and just lowered my head. To which she said “but I cant believe it he is so quite” this got more shushes. Me with a big red embarrassed face. If this happened now I would just laugh at the young one and poked a bit fun at her.
This is among the reasons I always recommended the Hearing Voices Movement https://www.hearing-voices.org/ . I think there is a support network in just about every area now with people who experience what ever it is. It is really necessary for voice hearers as I think the first voice hearer I heard talk openly about it was Eleanor Longden. Which lead me onto speaking with a few others like Peter Bullimore nice guy who works hard to help people like myself. They really gave me the mentality I can do this.
I continue to have spiritual experiences but I am in a much more grounded place now. On Blue Monday I threw on Krishna Das and imagined sending out happy vibes with spiritual help no clue if it helped but cheered me right up. Saw enlightened beings during my little meditation was delighted with myself just seeing them brightens the mood and emotions. I thank them from the bottom of my heart which they lighten a lot. Did some mediumship at circle last week I did well with a little help, actually I did really well considering this was one of the things I would always avoid trying. As standing in front of group does not suit me. Zoom is not so bad. I have Sita Ram Sita Ram blasting in the headphones helps my type faster but murder on my spellings. I think I will just chill and listen to tunes till I go to bed. Maybe talk to folk a little. Also I need to place a plan in place for me to step back from work and life if in a bit of bother again (I think I was advised this by a voice hearer once, I think I will take the advice now.)
Love and Light Keep up the Good Fight my Friends
Below is a link to my gofundme Self care cards any help appreciated to get project off the ground
For some reason I was reminded of a few years ago of an interaction with a person in a spiritual circle I was in. She said something very unpleasant after a rough night. I felt hurt it really did not go down well. She did not mean for me to overhear it (maybe she did I don’t know). So, was not sure if I was going to the next night or ever again. So, I left there in an extremely negative state of mind. In the past I would have left there in an incredibly positive state of mind and would always expected to do so. So, I felt this hurt even more so. I also hear voices which when something goes slightly wrong, they can build an extremely negative energy around something. Which can cause me a bit of bother and low self-esteem.
I woke up the next day and the voices set in the mood was low from the night before. I was never going to return to that spiritual circle again and I relied on it for support in the past.
I asked spirit for some help, I think around the same time I had strong connection with “Paramahansa Yogananda” in spirit. I then sat back and just started to list off positive points of this person. They could be anything, I will not go into detail, but I accepted they where the way they were towards me as a reflection of what they had been through. They had been through a tough time of it.
So, every time the voices set in about how this person hates me. I would just start listing the positive points of this person. I would keep doing this almost like a mantra over and over. After experiencing this for few days on and off. I truly felt a true appreciation for this person as a human being. What I experienced few nights ago was an extremely poor representation of her and there was entire world of stuff to her. I felt no connection to the hurt I had felt that night.
I may have done this to much as I felt like a light energy build up on back left of my brain. I was not quite high, but I probably could have grounded a bit more during this time frame. It was truly a lovely experience.
I went back to the circle we got along. I cannot remember exactly what was said but we continued in the circle. I had some brilliant nights in that circle since that night.
If I had given in to bitterness, I would not have had those excellent experiences. I would have not remembered the circle fondly. Which I most certainly do now. I simply see it as a growing experience now. Do not take people’s shit seriously as a reflection of yourself. You genuinely do not know where they are coming from or what they have been through.
I felt inspired by Paramahansa Yogananda to write this I still feel his connection from time to time.
And felt like sharing have a great day.
Love and Light till next time keep up the good fight
Hi, hope your well. Have not blogged in a while trying to get back into the habit.
I am currently baking my first loaf of bread in the oven. Hoping it turns out ok and if not well there is always the shop😊
My arm is healing from the crash nicely have a lot of movement back in it. Need to get the last bit of movement back when reaching up. I lack a lot of stamina and strength but these will come back with time and effort. I genuinely found focusing my mind on my arm and the sensation of energy’s to help a lot with the pain so I did not use pain killers after first 3 weeks. I also believe it helps a lot to help with the healing process. I am truly happy I did not need surgery on the arm😀
I am back from a retreat in Galway find link below. I find visiting the place helps to center my mind and spiritually enriching. I cannot do much yoga yet so mostly meditated and read very interesting books. The host is very friendly. We paid a visit to St. Coleman’s cave in Claire. I had to take it easy with dodgy arm but made it up hills.There was beautiful scenery on the way. My hands felt unusually warm on the way up. The cave was very still and very calming on my mind. I touched the rock and my hands were so warm the rock felt warm. I found it a very interesting experience.
I felt energized from the retreat with a new thirst for knowledge in general but more so spiritual type of knowledge. I was given an interesting autobiography of a great yogi . I am finding very enjoyable and interesting to read.
I think I will go on retreat every month or so here and there just to center myself.
I have my troubles but feel at peace with life even if I am unsure what road to take. I was asked a question what brings you joy on the retreat to which I thought and said joy is were you seek it. Will need to think about this for a while and see if it makes sense. I find simple joy in a good conversation or bird song on a walk but I need to make a reminder to myself it is there as I can get lost in my head.
While writing this blog I forgot to set timer for bread it’s looking a bit dodgy like I said there is always the shop.
The host recommended a film on Netflix called the Shaq. I would recommend it. I myself about 10 minutes in felt the urge to cry and apologize to God for being so angry at God. It felt good I am more at peace, I may need to remind myself of it from time to time.