It’s a lovely day here in Cork in Cobh. Just lazing around at the moment taking it easy after mornings walk with my Sister and ever energetic dog.
Been studying course on abnormal psychology, I might add I find the course title offensive. I still like the line by Eleanor Longden – A normal reaction to an abnormal situation, I might have paraphrased slightly. This line literally changed the way I view the label I have been given and voice hearing experience I have. I believe it was one of the very strong reasons I have changed my life from were it was.
The course I am studying at the moment covers a range of topics in a very short time frame. One of them was on addictions, on my assignment the comments I got back mentioned this was one of the better assignments on this topic the Tudor had marked. It did not let me express my complete disagreement with the large amount of the subject matter of the course.
This was particularly true for the part of the course I just completed on schizophrenia and psychosis. It mentioned people with schizophrenia have impaired intellect and will need lifelong financial and emotional support, they will also not work again given the intellectual impairment and also require lifelong treatment of anti psychotic medication. The only words I can express towards this is go fuck yourselves, sorry forgive my language. I have the label I work just as well as others in what can be a high pressure environment. I function fairly well socially albeit this is not one of my strong points. I am owed money by people and budget excellently. I have read about and personally meet with people who can survive without anti psychotic meds and have this label.
They also mentioned people with the label like their personal space and are socially withdrawn. They did not mention that research on people with the label, that 70% are likely to have experienced a serious trauma in their life. Might be worth mentioning that Buddhists consider all life trauma. I personally experienced child abuse at very young age. I am protective of my personal space as I believe I learned a massive distrust of people and what they do in your personal space at a very young age. It’s hard to shake this off at an unconscious level. I would consider this a learnt behavior to adopt to my environment from my past not a sign of some mental disease or disorder.
I like to interact with people to a point but most of the time I am genuinely happier on my own. I find it uncomfortable to be around people in social setting for long periods of time but I do enjoy a good conversation from time to time, which I find good for my head space. I consider this a personality trait not a sign of some disease.
Also worth mentioning that my voices took umbrage to being called an hallucination. Given the content of what they come up with most of the time is based around my childhood abuse and current difficulties it’s hard to argue with them. Their pissed I am even writing this. I can’t help but feel my voices can have their own character and to just write them off as an hallucination well is to just misunderstand the situation. That said it can be a challenging experience but last week during work I was bored out of my tree. I interacted with them while working and the day flew by. It’s kind of like talking to someone while you work. They are usually pissed about something and I end up taking the piss out of them and struggle to suppress a laugh in the office at work at them.
Was chatting to sister about this stuff, I mentioned that people coming out of sleep can experience voices, noises and visions. Granted I can experience these during the day but it’s close to what I can experience. She was not fully convinced but I will work on her give me time😉 . I have noticed this slightly more lately but it’s usually pleasant conversation and does not stress me out.
If the subject matter of the course I am doing is representation of what MH professionals are thought dear god help anyone under their care.
Also I noticed even though the drugs are called anti psychotic medication. A syndrome they can cause is called neuroleptic malignant syndrome not anti psychotic malignant syndrome. If the syndrome is called neuroleptic why isn’t the medication called neuroleptic medication as I have noted some people make a point of doing so. I might be just paranoid but it’s like some people are trying to distance themselves from this life threatening syndrome.
Also if anyone in England is reading this their is a mother who’s boy was killed by this syndrome, she is trying to get signatures to get government in England to look at training for people in hospitals to deal with autism and avoid this ever happening again.Please sign if you get a chance, below is link to twitter and petition
@PaulaMac007 is were you can find info. on Twitter
Ok so rant over. I continue to taper my meds to see what happens but I am happy at were I am at even if I have a long way to go. Joined some groups on Facebook which have useful information and people to give some support.
I still find mindfulness nearly impossible but intent to make more of an effort. I love meditation, it’s probably the only reason I sleep given my super active mind. Doing little running but nothing to intense just nice an easy. Still love yoga and practice most mornings. I think I mentioned a type of meditation were you just think about being grateful for stuff in your life. It might sound cheesy but it’s working for me. Things in the past such as noise from dishwasher and washing machine would have annoyed me but now I appreciate the time they save me to do other stuff like blogging. My mind for the most part is quite happy with itself.
Now I am considering having a little dance to some music, I guess it sounds silly on my own but its what OSHO meditation is about and I can enjoy it.
Hope this post finds you well
Keep up the good fight.✊🏻