What is Ugly?

How we now, this is not meant to give offense just a bit I felt like writing on an idea bouncing around my head. I try channel from spirit in my writing so any questions to you in it are for me as well.

Cultural beauty to me is based on what that culture views as beautiful. It seems to vary per culture and time in history and is not really based on a usable measure. As this seems to vary per culture and time and in essence is all over the place and an unreliable measuring stick at its absolute best.

The link to site below gives my idea some merit, see some extracts below.

“The quest for perfect looks has been as old as time itself. However, culture plays a huge role in our ideas of beauty. For instance, “youthfulness” is the beauty goal in America, while naturally flawless skin is the beauty ideal in Europe. Fairness is coveted in most Asian countries. A voluptuous figure, long bouncy hair and tanned skin is considered beautiful in Brazil. Having a slender figure is considered an important beauty criteria is most parts of the world. However, in Africa, a filled-out larger figure is considered beautiful.”

“Every era in history has held its own standards of what is and is not accepted as beautiful. In the early nineteenth century, European explorers expressed horror and disbelief at the tattoos, piercings, and feather decorations of the natives. They considered it savage and barbaric. However, they considered their own top hats, powder wigs and corsets as high fashion!”

“In China, upper class girls would get their feet tightly and painfully bound, folding the bones, breaking them, crippling them and permanently stunting their growth to a mere 3 or 4 inches, which were considered beautiful and elegant.”

That last one sounds very painful. I would not indorse in any way. There are those who see the way cultural beauty is used and set up as a system of control for woman by men. See extract and link to article below.

“Beauty is a currency system like the gold standard. Like any economy, it is determined by politics, and in the modern age in the West it is the last, best belief system that keeps male dominance intact.”

Ouch for what its worth as a male not trying to keep the male dominance thing alive.

So that leaves me with what do I believe beauty and ugly really mean to me. I feel judgment for example calling a person a name whatever it is as they do not fit some idea you have as their cultural normal, or they make you uncomfortable about something which has nothing to do with them and is merely a reflection of them and how they see the world.

To insult or judge people this to me breathes inner ugliness if the person engages with this a lot, it will become their norm which they show or act out in the world which is simply a refection of their own inner world.

Of course, there are certain acts of abuse etc. that are ugly and evil these would not be debated in anyway, but you would wonder if above in the end just falls into the same category at some level. You really do not know the long term affects on a person from an off the cuff insult/judgement or playful insult/judgement it may seem nothing to you, but it genuinely could cut that person deeply for some time.

Also, certain evil acts on a person can leave them with a lot of pain which can turn to anger it does not make them ugly just they may need to do a bit or a lot of healing, but they may be perceived well by others, but it is hard for me to view them purely by the pain that lashes out just they may need to sort a few bits out but I need to respect my own boundaries as well.

I heard a quote from a woman from a book long time ago. I can’t remember where it was roughly “Your first reaction to someone is your cultural response how you chose to respond from there out is your response, that is the real you.” So do not worry about your first response in your mind pay attention to how you respond from there out.

I think most people have been called a word or been judged for this or that which can hurt until you realize this is simply a reflection of those doing the judgment or insulting. Which is an ugly act on another human being which can built an ugly internal world in that person and no reflection of you whatsoever. You should try not to take this on board (If you can figure this out let me how)

You would have to wonder also had the person who is insulting has been insulted with something themselves in the past or you have triggered something in them which lashed out at you. This does not excuse their act which essentially has nothing to do with you but them.

Conversely the ability to see the good in others and be aware of their actions may simply reflect their inner pain or cultural understanding or what they find acceptable as opposed to their true inner voice. The ability to see this in others and yourself while respecting your own boundaries reflects inner beauty or enlightenment point of view or at least to set the strong intent to try do so. Forgive yourself if you fail at this and try again.

I would think to accept cultural meaning of beauty or someone’s ugly act on your person. Would only lead to self-hate and judgement and disempowerment. This is not the goal of life in my opinion, if you are not feeling it try to see yourself through the eyes of those who love you. Not through the eyes of those who express themselves in an ugly way which simply sets them on the path to be ugly people or through the eyes of people who do not see your true self-worth or may be lashing out from a place of past pain which has nothing to do with you…

Self-love is vital to seeing the good in others and to hold space for them and whatever their experiences are and to feel good about yourself and accept yourself warts and all.

Love and Light and Keep up the Good Fight

Mike

Self Care Cards

Hi, hope you are well. My self care cards are printed. I am delighted slight mix up on bags for same but should be sorted next week. Really looking forward to getting them online. I have placed a lot of love into my cards really looking forward to it.

Someone showed me a patron page where you make a few quid for your content see link below if your interested, does not cost much plus you get the Self Care Cards with some options if you cover postage outside of Ireland. There is other content as well, have a new Story relative to my mental health and meeting a bloke that looked like King Kong one night acting in a fairly violent manner.

https://www.patreon.com/user?u=50904419&fan_landing=true

Love and Light Keep up the good Fight.

Music V’s Darkness

Morning woke up to some weird ass stuff just felt like sharing. All good here have the day off so just chilling, getting energy healing from someone at 11am so just relaxing. Just trying to express what I can experience before I have had my coffee. Some of this can be dark so might be best if you did not read if you are not it right mind.

I wake at 5am on the button, my gentiles are stimulated I am being shown intrusive stuff of a nasty nature a voice says something dark I am do to. I just look at it and say that’s fucking disgusting and fuck off. It goes quite, I enjoy the quite it happens from time to time. I decide to lye on my back on plastic matt of spikes I have and half fall asleep. Wake a little time later relaxed remove the plastic spikes and chill.

It feels like there are a few large knitting needles jammed into my gums it is quite painful. (tactile sensations) . The voices start in it is pure hate. They start up their circus of hate. They say they are real when it suits them and they are not when it does not. They start showing me stuff and trying to build an argument I am the most evil person in creation(I like to disagree). I try my I forgive all and myself and let go. It is so not working. You can feel things from voices as well, this morning it is pure anger and hate. They are laughing and saying we have ruined your life everyone hates you. Your done would you just do us a favor and fucking kill yourself. I note their at least some still working with me on zoom etc. even if some are not.

I am stuck I can feel the slide into darkness, I got nothing I am beat, I am done.

I remember this dude from the voice hearing group he’s got his headphones on and he is vibing like nothing in the world matters but that music. So I grab the phone and headphones (the Guru I call Hanuman flashes before my eyes smiling) and I start blasting the tunes. I tell myself to embrace love in my heart for all even does who have hurt me and done me wrong and to include myself in this. The voices switch from just in my head perception to sounding real right there in the room with me. They have nothing but hate just pure hate and anger. I tell myself the voices I hear are the people who have abused and violated my person and to let go and to forgive. They seem utterly obsessed with winning at what I don’t know, I assume it is me dead.

The music is blasting I think despite all the darkness in my life and voices and the nastier ones and all that goes with them. They literally cannot hold up to one song. The hate fades despite their effort, I listen to tunes and I chill. One song and the wave of darkness that was threatening to wash me away. Is simply washed away and shown for the powerless thing that it is . I say things like I thing in love I act in love etc. my vibe is good and I feel well in the space of a few songs. They are their now laughing and taunting but I am awake up and running and out of bed and about to have my coffee. My vibe is good my energy is high while I decide what to do for the day.

Have a Great Day

Love and Light and Keep up the Good fight.

Working with your mind/voices

Hey hope your well. Nice day here now, well still a bit cloudy. Very heavy rain earlier couple of places around the country are without electricity. We are lucky here, thank God.

Just like to note some stuff about my mind and voices and tactile sensations and what I have adopted as my norm. Also, my current way of dealing with them.

My voices are incredibly angry now and have been for the last while. They will pick anything from memory make it look as hideous as possible. Cut out the bits they do not like and build a heck of an energy around that. It does not need to be true but that has never stopped them. It came to mind I was doing a lot of chord cutting meditations, see link to one meditation to You Tube below. If you want to try.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFqdORA-ZVE&ab_channel=PuraRasa-YourMeditationLibrary

It struck me some voices not all, some I get along with brilliantly. However, some attach themselves like chords to any shame or guilt in my person, and I mean anything. I thought of similarity to cords to cut in meditation, they could be considered like voices which need to be cut which have attached themselves to stuff in my person.

One minute I am chilling and the next I got images of stuff from 30 years ago pop into my head and a voice demanding I explain it. It can be a shock but after a while it can become the norm. I have been through this before, they just keep going and going until I basically break. I do not feel like breaking this time sort of curious what happens if I do not. This would be under constant threat of Guards (police) calling or gang to beat me up or I need to go fess up to what happened, not sure if Guards would laugh me out of the station or stick me in a mental institution not one of my favorite places in the world. After 14 years what can I say nobody showed. They also show me stuff about other people as well of an unpleasant nature. See link below just in case you think you are too Saintly. I also like to think people are inherently good even if personally have had a few show me a very dark side to themselves.

https://aeon.co/ideas/the-bad-news-on-human-nature-in-10-findings-from-psychology

https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2017/12/14/16687388/cruelty-border-immigration-psychology-human-nature

I am sort of believing none of us or at least very few of us are what we think we are. Underneath the bonnet we are something completely different. I guess we all have a few things we are not proud, now imagine a voice in your head showing you these for months on end. Even going to the extent of changing them and making them look very seedy indeed and making stuff up. They were even changing supposed memories right in front of my mind’s eye and still expected me to do something about it. It builds an energy in your head that can be nearly impossible to live with. The thing is I am so used to this, it literally does not bother me anymore. I now simply dismiss it, it does not matter who is wrong or right. Holy God my voices love to argue about nothing. I forgive myself and anyone else involved. I let go of any fear or guilt or shame etc. Hearing voices all my life this incarnation of them has been cropping up over 14 years. I am over it. This does not seem to stop them, but I feel quite happy about myself and try to forgive them while they literally feel like a tornado blasting my head.

Also, lately they it feels like they are forcing thoughts through my mind. This can take a while to get used to. After a while it is like the thoughts in your mind or just voices and you can nearly sit back and just watch them. It can be weird effect. Meditation can help but does not stop the thoughts/voices. If you can imagine you are sitting there a thought process pops into my mind, I let it go it repeats and repeats. Literally every couple of seconds more or less all day. It is like a stream of thoughts/voices that you can get caught in very badly and just get dragged along if you are not incredibly careful.

Mediation can help calm the mind or a task focused on or listening to music. Again, I am sort of used to this my mind can go blab la blab la about all sorts and I just stop see if anything interesting in it have quick think about it and let it go if I can do nothing about it. The Voices try to make a big deal of any thought process in the middle of this mess that is less than saintly and go off on one. I just let it go quickly as it is waste of time. Can get interesting stuff from it do including picture below and some posts on this site. I would not have done if they were not there.

While writing this they are shouting away and making noises of fingers snapping in my ears. They go quite when the music stops to go onto next song it is a very strange effect. It is odd when they go from voices in your head to literally a real voice in a blink of an eye in your ear. This is hard to explain just some are obviously voices in your head the consistency of the voices is different to peoples voices. It is really weird when they change to the same. You can also feel things poke at your body in an unpleasant way and bouncing off your boundaries and make sounds like they are getting off to you. Somewhat unpleasant to say the least. This can be unpleasant when it affects parts of your body physically. These are called tactile sensations by some and something else by others might go into that some other time.

Also, I have been fascinated for years how voices/thoughts absolutely focus on a story (psychosis to some). This story is everything it is all important but the second anything gets it the way of this story and the whole thing changes in front of your eyes. They just flow like into this new story is now the be all and end all story and the last one is dropped in a heartbeat. It is like a river flowing and we must stick to this mainstream the second it hits an obstacle and changes stream the last one is forgotten in a heartbeat. You cannot see it as you are in the stream. I have been learning for years to step out of this stream and chill as it just takes up too much time energy.

I would imagine that would sound mad or I do not know what that sounds to others. This is my norm; I feel my life is blessed. I am happy to be alive. I have a job. Finally got a deck of self-care cards going into production Monday. I love them they should make a few quid and hopefully put a smile on someone’s face and help them and others to think about their mental health. Did group Reiki healing today and loved it. I could do that stuff all day, just need to find someone to pay me to do so.

Had a great group meeting with the hearing voices groups last Saturday where I get to talk to people with similar experiences. It was a great talk went slightly over time and the two plus hours flew by. I really would recommend. For people with Voices or extreme experiences. Felt weird typing that I do not consider my experience an extreme experience just my normal life.

http://www.hearingvoicesusa.org/hvn-usa-groups-list/details/1/251-hvn-texas-online

I would consider my spiritual growth is good. I am currently trying to figure out the concept that most enlightened beings basically started like you or me and we are basically enlightened beings we just need to do the practice. I am not sure what that means right now other than I embrace self-love and forgiveness for myself and try to figure out how to extend this to others. Try to judge like way less, can be tricky concept with thoughts/voices on board. My Spirits are good 😊.

Given I hear voices I sometimes adapt meditation to where I am at. For example, a smiling meditation (I think it is a thing, I have never looked it up) compassion meditation is awfully close. So, you just sit there, and you smile but you try feel that compassion for yourself. You do not just smile you feel it. I then try focus on smiling on my heart. It is like placing a smile in your heart. If a thought pops into your head, you smile a little more and feel compassion for yourself for having a thought you cannot stop from coming up. Whatever happens you just smile at it. Do not worry at thoughts coming up just smile and focus on that and the feeling of that. This amazingly simple technique has helped me heal and accept a lot of stuff. You can invite in Spirit or energy or whatever you believe in to help if that is your belief. Obviously if your smile gets too big just start again you are not meant to hurt your face. If there are to many thoughts just sit with a slight smile on your face but feel that love for yourself no matter what pops into your head.

Well, that is it for me off to small meditation and get away from PC for a while. I also need to tidy up. Have a great day.

Love and light keep up the good fight.

Did below phrase in my last circle, really liked it so placed an image behind it. Will stick on Facebook page during the week, see link below.

https://www.facebook.com/ReikiMike

Our Differences Make the Difference

Shower thoughts #2

(Below is just my opinion it is never meant to give offence. I am sorry if you choose to take offense)

How we now. Was thinking of Superbowl and how two teams come together for the big game. I was also thinking about Ideologies/Science/Religion and Spirituality etc.  These two sports teams train in different ways and play in different ways, usually anyway given my limited sports knowledge. Ideologies/Science/Religion and Spirituality also they have completely different practices.

These Sports teams on the day can turn up play a brilliant game feeling they put it all out there. The fans on both sides can look on and genuinely enjoy the effort and sportsmanship and display. Screaming their hearts out for their team. The fans knowing, they watched a great game with great sportsmanship watching their team give it their all. Even then the fans of the losing team smiling at the end might say “Great game we will get you f**kers next year.” Shaking the hands of opposing fans with a smile and tongue in cheek.

Ideologies/Science/Religion and Spirituality etc. These people can literally have passionate debates about stuff in a nonaggressive way. They may not agree on anything, but I still like to think there is a common ground.

Almost all want to improve humankind for its better (I hope). Their practices like the teams might be radically different. The aim should at least be the same. It is hard for me to imagine one of these not agreeing to say compassion and love for each other and living in peace for all of us.

I am not sure why they would argue about their practices with anger and single mindedness in their mind given their end goal which to me is the same. The common ground is a better world for all.

In my mind Ideologies/Science/Religion and Spirituality that are not looking for a better world for all and argue about their practice and world view and have people looking on that buy into the same vibe creating division when at some level it should be doing the opposite. To me, it is like the sports teams showing up on the day playing with poor sportsmanship and the fans looking on replicating same and fighting and rioting in the stands.

I also realize the safety in your tribe mentality was useful in our past, but the world is bigger there are more of us. Doing all sorts of things if we do not let things go and just agree to get along or something resembling it nothing is changing. We just keep chugging along as we are right now. There is love in the world, and we get things right, but I like to think we got more in us.

The common ground is love and peace and a better world for all and that means all, I really hope to meet someone there.

Have a great day.

Love and Light Keep up the good Fight.

Below is link to self-care cards I am trying to get up and running any help appreciated. http://gf.me/u/zfb9q3

What’s the Story

So just a little question what is Enlightenment/Grace/Divinity/. These are questions and mere opinions of one who fully acknowledges he knows nothing and is learning. See past post. The Man Who Knows Nothing

I could quote many fancy stuff from the internet and make lovely arguments about this that and the other in big fancy words but I don’t want to. I am just going to say what they mean to me briefly. I have a high energy now and just need to plough it into something. I guess this is it.

Enlightenment to me is acceptance/understanding of life and those around you with compassion and love but not to make you a doormat/controlled by anybody or anything or ideology or any system of control. The ability to listen, think, accept and act in love and compassion and peace. What is love and compassion. I don’t know, it makes your heart smile when you feel it. To smile at someone with compassion even with tears in your own eyes and your own heart hurts. To learn to take care of yourself even when your first instinct is to give or to give when your first instinct is to hold on. To let go of what just does not serve the good in you and others even when they slap your face. It is parents of a family who sacrifice for their kids who are our future. It is what we feel for our partners when they are not driving us mad. Love is many things to many people.

I guess compassion and acceptance and the fight for what you believe in and who you believe in. Yet the ability to be at peace with yourself and others in a world that is not quite at peace with itself and the ability to deal with that with a peaceful and loving heart when what is being slapped in your face. But these are just ideas not enlightenment much harder to do. I am sure they are much nicer ways of saying this and it has been done fancier many times I just want to write what it means to me now in this moment not to quote those who are enlightened ,who would probably make it sound much better and wiser. Have a think what does it mean to you. Without quoting anyone teachings or ideas as much as possible and no fancy words make it real simple.

Grace/Divinity, To me these are sort of the same thing given my belief system which I draw from just about anywhere and what I have channeled and understand myself. Doing my best not to quote anyone’s ideas grace to me is sort of love and compassion and a link to God/Goddess and enlightened beings. It is the spiritual enlightened beings who through them we feel the Grace of the Divine there love their understanding of us utterly. It is a love that see’s every part of us all the light all the dark and loves us as fiercely regardless with every fiber of its being. I believe there are consequences for everything but the love they feel through all of it never diminishes no matter what we do. The brief sense of connection to the Divine I have felt in the dark times and in good times. The brief occasions I asked it shone on others and I thank it a million fold. It is the guidance they give us even if we cannot see it.

The ever guiding light home. Where we belong.

Thanks for reading just felt a build up of energy to do something I guess this is it. Well the energy is gone so all good my side. It is not meant to offend and I wish you well.

Love and Light Keep up the Good Fight

What do these things me to you, go have a think try not to quote anyone or use big fancy words see what you got.

Below is a link to gofundme for self care cards I am trying to get off the ground any help appreciated, Much Gratitude and thanks.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/selfcare-cards

Recovery Lessons

How we now, hope your well. Lovely day here in Cork. See pictures below. Just finished my days work on PC it is good to have my facilities in better shape if not 100%, I am definitely better at work. I have been asking myself about working and being unwell and the general response as I see it from what I see as main stream society.

Lady Luna continues to still evade my attempts to catch her glory and prompts me to do better to see her wares.

Again nothing below is meant to give offense in anyway please do not take offense as this is just my personal experiences.

I have my struggles like everyone but was extremely unwell last year a similar experience I had 14 years ago. My voices went completely into Nuke me the fuck out of here mode. My version of reality became very skewed. The intrusive thoughts/images/sensations etc. and paranoia on a scale of 1-10 was about 50 million.

My recovery is ongoing their are good and bad days but much better than where I was. So I was thinking which is dangerous as they say. When I started to get unwell I was designing cards and working a full week at Steel detailing in front of a PC. I rang my Boss saying well I was not doing well and the idea of working 4 days a week. Possibly stepping back completely. After a brief discussion we decided I was going to work on as always. I let the others in the house know and few people around me. I realize after my outer appearance looked fine bit spaced out but I am like a ninja at hiding that. I can literally smile and answer people without having a single clue what is going on or even what I am talking about. I had been like this for months, It felt like this the whole time while simultaneously feeling spiritually high at the same time. But hey I was working I knew everything after years of this it really was nothing new. I believed this toughened me I could take it.

I had cut myself off as I was having intrusive stuff of an unpleasant nature come through and thought people could read my mind. Which trust me you do not want to share this stuff. I worked through it but during this time could of made a mistake in work which could lead me to getting my ass fired in a job. I am actually back in form enough to do now. I would imagine being canned would be a stressful experience which would not be useful for anyone’s mental health.

At the time of course there was bills to pay and I listened to other people encouraging to stay working. I can’t help but wonder if I just stepped back for two weeks and just took sick pay would that have completely changed the situation. Would I be in a better place now and not have had the experience I had possibly lining me up now to getting fired when I can work away. Also if I had a physical aliment would the Boss and folk around even considered me in working shape. Don’t get me wrong I need the work but I do rely on others opinions if bit unwell.

I remember my thinking at the time and still is. If I step back the GP would be called as before and if I could not convince him I could handle it (especially given my past). I thought I would lose my liberties be committed and given more medication at a level that is not good for anyone. I still believe this today to some extent but I am in the driving seat more now as have a good relationship with my psychiatrist and I am talking to people albeit on zoom but everyone in the same boat.

I think the same issues that came up 14 years ago are just coming up again for me to deal with which I am getting help with. That said it is 14 years later and around half of that was not working just sitting around not doing much. They even placed me on invalidity pension so as far as the state was concerned this one is written off. Not knocking anyone on it but I was in my 30is and I had the capacity to work. Also on the payment I was on I could not really qualify for training in IT which was the line I was hoping to go into at the time. I did find training with a place called the National Learning Network in Ireland and would have landed a job but for the payment I was on in IT. Which was disappointing given the amount of effort I put in at the time.

I can’t help but think if I had met someone with experience like I have now It would have made a big difference. Or the people and groups that support me now would have made a 1000% difference but these take time to build up. I am not sure where I am going with this and I know everyone is doing there best especially 14 years ago when I crashed. That said I did not meet a single person who hears voices through the whole experience until about 6 years in which I believe this would have helped a lot. It would have placed me in a better place much faster would a saved the state loads and I would have been a happy tax payer again. Also a much happier person much sooner with issues from the past at least discussed and had me in a better place.

I would not have felt like a complete freak with experiences. I did not understand and did not know others even had. I recall my experience at one mental institution where a young lady at dinner said “So where are all the mad people , you know the ones who hear voices” everyone shushed her and pointed their heads towards me. I was not in a good place at the time and just lowered my head. To which she said “but I cant believe it he is so quite” this got more shushes. Me with a big red embarrassed face. If this happened now I would just laugh at the young one and poked a bit fun at her.

This is among the reasons I always recommended the Hearing Voices Movement https://www.hearing-voices.org/ . I think there is a support network in just about every area now with people who experience what ever it is. It is really necessary for voice hearers as I think the first voice hearer I heard talk openly about it was Eleanor Longden. Which lead me onto speaking with a few others like Peter Bullimore nice guy who works hard to help people like myself. They really gave me the mentality I can do this.

I continue to have spiritual experiences but I am in a much more grounded place now. On Blue Monday I threw on Krishna Das and imagined sending out happy vibes with spiritual help no clue if it helped but cheered me right up. Saw enlightened beings during my little meditation was delighted with myself just seeing them brightens the mood and emotions. I thank them from the bottom of my heart which they lighten a lot. Did some mediumship at circle last week I did well with a little help, actually I did really well considering this was one of the things I would always avoid trying. As standing in front of group does not suit me. Zoom is not so bad. I have Sita Ram Sita Ram blasting in the headphones helps my type faster but murder on my spellings. I think I will just chill and listen to tunes till I go to bed. Maybe talk to folk a little. Also I need to place a plan in place for me to step back from work and life if in a bit of bother again (I think I was advised this by a voice hearer once, I think I will take the advice now.)

Love and Light Keep up the Good Fight my Friends

Below is a link to my gofundme Self care cards any help appreciated to get project off the ground

gf.me/u/zfb9q3

Open Communication

Hope your well. Another week down another few quid made. I am sitting in Mitchelstown listening to Luke Kelly on my favorite Irish music list see link to Spotify below. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0CLrbYePy72EaImbw90XGs also eating hula hoops. What more could a happy man want. My Voices are going off in the background and some unpleasant tactile sensations but nothing I am not used to. I touch on few topics below as always nothing is meant to give offense just poking a bit of fun listening to some tunes on a Saturday night.

The work week went well hit a few issues with my voices on Friday evening as trying get some drawings out the door. Not really in the mood for work now and dealing with people which might make my voices very irritated. Need to do a little overtime tomorrow I am thankful of the blessing of a wage but mindful not to push myself to hard this year. My work is better this year as I get my person more online.

I feel myself getting better here I am glad I came but not really looking forward to moving back to Cobh but will do as I need but trying to figure a way out of it to keep the head clear of the place. I heard voices last night outside my door in the form of people in the house I was able to make them go away be just focusing on them. It was weird I don’t think I was able to do this before. Their not my main voices but I fell asleep I had a good nights sleep.

I am doing an energy course this weekend it is good my mood was a bit low but it definitely lifted my mood. I would recommend energy work it can be very beneficial and you feel great once you have done the time clearing stuff. It was nice to get card reading as well. I have been working a lot at grounding a lot lately. It is working but I sort of miss the highs that go with being not grounded you have a million ideas you Brain feels like it wired to car battery. It is like you are high on your own thoughts I feel like I am coming down which you sort of need to do. I remember this from before it takes me time to adjust to a Brain that just rabbits thought after thought after thought to less and less of this.

I don’t know if it qualifies as a condition other then the dreaded schizophrenia label people seem to shit themselves when I tell them. Not sure I really care as I have enough labels that don’t mean much to me but seems to matter a enormous amount to people who have known me a few years. Suddenly they find out or I tell them I instantly seem to morph into a three headed beast spitting fire.

To be fair after the initial shock most people handle it fairly well after they retreat to a safe place to recover from their reaction to what I now consider a challenging but safe and normal reaction to an abnormal situation (trauma) I believe Eleanor Longden said this (I think don’t quote me). See link to some more information to her here, https://www.psychosisresearch.com/news/dr-eleanor-longden-joins-psychosis-research-unit/ I believe this woman’s Ted Talk was a game changer for a lot of people it was for me when I saw it some years ago (more years than I care to think of) I had conversation to someone today he said the last 20 years flew, I though sure if you add a 0 to the 20, I am glad to be alive that said.

I have seen the look on the face when I have said I have the SCHIZPOHRENIA to one friend. He looked like he was going to push his head through the steering wheel, a reminder not to tell people when they are driving. Their reaction could cause a serious accident. I genially believe their reaction is that dangerous (ok I am kidding, like mostly)

So the reason I started writing this post and sort of interestingly meandered here was I mentioned to my sister that I still hear voices. The look on her face spoke volumes.

I believe she was utterly under the impression I did not hear voices which would well be more than a slightly untrue. She also believed someone who hears voices would not be able to work in an office. I agree it has been difficult in the office environment but not impossible. It has had its challenges but for the most part I have nearly always been able to channel my, lets say my high energy Brain into my work, at a more than a rapid rate and accuracy.

In a small office this has been useful to everyone they made money and I was employed. I have been doing this for more than 7-8 years after my last crash 14 years ago. I might add the ever so enlightened physiatrist at the time said I would never work again. Obviously I disagree with him having done the work under some fairly unusual states of mind. It can show the information my family was provided with (and cultural influence) on my first crash had a lasting impression. I know they have kids and more than their fair share of problems. It is just they where living under the belief that someone that hears voices can not work or basically function as a member of society. As a three headed monster I cannot express how untrue this is.

Now imagine you are already struggling and your family through no fault or their own view you in this way as well. You are already down and the medical team are also treating you the same way. They are giving you pills that are basically not working. Also in your belief system you are going through a spiritual awaking which you cannot really navigate without some help. So you are not to gone on pills which confuse your mind make your stomach feel sick and you are gaining wait at an alarming rate. Also seemed to cause a very unpleasant gout as side effect (ouch) .Try imagine that for a moment think what would you do. Go on I dare you come up with a cunning plan, I certainly spend enough nights trying. Heck even tried to implement a few with some success eventually. (took a few years and tears and smiles).

Sorry that was more serious than I thought it would be and went places I did not mean to go.

I was at hearing voices group today. I really enjoyed it. It was great to make the connection with people who can at least relate to some of your experiences. It lifted the mood and the time flew by. It was good to see some familiar friendly faces who where not going to judge you for having some really weird ass experiences you are trying to figure out. See link to one of their sites here. http://www.hearingvoicesusa.org/hvn-usa-groups-list/details/1/251-hvn-texas-online

I managed to get a little yoga and running in last week, ok like around the house for 10 mins roughly but it is a start to get back in to it. I am committing (no pun intended) here and now to stick at it 🙂

Wishing you love and light and keep up the Good fight my friends in the PC 🙂

Below is link to GoFundMe for self-care cards I am trying to get off the ground and help appreciated.

https://www.gofundme.com/manage/selfcare-cards

The Man Who Knows Nothing

Hi, hope this finds you well. Woke up to another lovely morning here. Bit on the cold side but lovely. Woke up with a mind full of story’s and thoughts. Came up with the idea to write a poem knowing absolutely nothing about same. The end result is below. Not really a poem but the idea was there. Nothing in it is meant to give offense just written with an open heart and my current knowledge set.

I

I know nothing.

I used to start my prayers in this manner.

How can I truly hope to understand anything?

Without first admitting my complete and utter ignorance.

I am 45 with a little flare of madness I personally love but

it comes with pain. Some would argue I am utterly mad and

evil for my beliefs but oddly enough I disagree 😊,

But I know nothing.

II

Remember I know nothing. (seriously ask a woman they

will tell you 😊) There are about 7.8 billion people on

this planet. Which such brilliant diversity it could only

bring a smile of joy to the heart. However, there are

those who preach hate at this diversity to me they are

truly and utterly mad but I believe they learned this through

various means so, part of me feels sorry for them but If it

can be learned it can be unlearned. I must believe you are

not born with hate in your heart. Before I go further remember

 I know nothing.

III

Science

I love science. It has saved a lot of lives it has helped humanity

boat loads. There are many points of view on the new vaccine.

I respect each and mine knowing I know nothing 😊. The Earth

is almost 400 miles in radius. The Milky Way (like the Galaxy

you know) is probably between 100,000 and 150,000 light years

across give or take like, (sounds big) The known Universe 93

billion light years in diameter (sounds bigger). Also thank God for

Goggle. The earth has been around for about 4.543 billion years

wow we really should continue the effort to respect Mother Earth

she is old. People are around about 300,000 years give or take a few

years. (seriously like google knows a lot but not everything) To place

that all in perspective I am about 5’8” and a half and 45 years old.

How the heck am I supposed to understand anything,

given the time frame and sizes involved. I learned to trust some,

and I have my Spiritual beliefs, but would be careful of those who

say they know it all. I give thanks to my ancestors whether they

used science or not they survived in a rough environment to allow

all this to be. However, one thing I do know is the look in my dog’s

eyes when I am going out the door. It is like devastating. I love the

way science changes it is point of view to suit new findings.

I know I love Science. Like mostly.

IV

I have seen and experienced true evil and true good

or at least my perception of them. I believe in a

Goddess/God that wants us to learn and grow in

love to such an extent he/she has placed us here to do so.

I honestly believe he/she does not want us here to suffer

and would encourage us to grow but like any good parent

watches their children learn and make their own mistakes.

Even when it truly hurts both to do so. That said what do I

know of Gods and Goddess, I know nothing. I would not argue

any of this with anyone as I remind myself again, I know nothing.

Yet I believe I am attached to an eternal soul that reaches far

back and will continue on after I am gone, and it has been my

honor to get this far in life and contribute to same. I have met

some brilliant people along the way. I may not have always seen

eye to eye but I learn and grow from each in my own unique way.

I believe most of them think I am mad, not sure if that is a good or

bad thing yet or both. I think it is both. Yah I know it is both.

V

I truly know nothing.

Do I write these things to make sense or something

resembling a sense of an understanding of a world and

universe where they may be none. Are these nice words

to sooth a troubled mind. That said I honestly believe the

Devine and Spirit have touched me with a sense of love and

bliss that feels like everything and more, and I just cry in joy

and pain when it comes. But I truly know nothing.

VI

Sure, would I know?

How could a man of a mere man of 45 years truly understand

anything. Other than I am going to enjoy my next cuppa with

a biscuit I should probably not eat after my Christmas. Also

learning love and compassion, doing my best to listen and

understand folk but my mind wonders sure I do my best.

Sure, what would I know?

Wishing Everyone the best

Love and light keep up the good fight.

Mike

I have been told one of my Spirit guides was brilliant guy below for a while mine change a lot. Looking at above I feel confirms it to some extent. I always like to say I have experiences but let people make up their own mind up and do my best to not judge them on their opinions of me which they are entitled to.

Below is link to self-care cards I would like to do any help including sharing gofundme campaign is much appreciated. See link for more info. gf.me/u/zfb9q3

Abundance/HV Group/Synchronicity

Hi, hope this finds you well. It was a lovely blue sky here today if a little on the cold side.

I had a fairly lazy start to the morning did up couple posts for My Facebook page see link below. https://www.facebook.com/ReikiMike I try do motivational posts sometimes funny posts (I do my best, honest).

I did an Abundance course with Christine Mulvihill lovely woman I owe her and her circle’s and courses a lot. I developed my ability to read cards and various other things through her and the people I met. She is not perfect just Brilliant but she took me on when a lot of other people would not of given the time of day. Apparently some of the community I live in have given my quite the reputation (not in a good way). Also I hear voices and a history of going in and out of mental institutions. I got real and great healing through her. I owe her and every one I met along the way a lot and I will not forget that. Link to her Facebook Page Below https://www.facebook.com/christine.mulv

I went to Hearing Voices group online. Unfortunately logged on late but the information was brilliant one of the woman really knows her stuff. I did not say much but the information I got in space of 3/4 of an hour would put most councilors and therapists to shame. Mostly because they do not really understand the experience and would find it difficult to relate to. Also just to see certain topics touched on was amazing you would need to go through a ludicrous threat assessment depending on what Mental Health professional you where talking to on this stuff. I have raised these topics with professionals and family before and you could see their reaction, they just had no idea what to make of it and usually make the situation much more difficult. No really there fault they honestly they just cannot relate or need to believe they can’t not sure which (Probably just me paranoid on this one, maybe also the mind(ego) is incredible at lying to itself to maintain it’s belief in what it is, just my opinion). http://www.hearingvoicesusa.org/ This is a link to one of their sites.

Synchronicity – This is “meaningful coincidences” I heard someone bring this up during the day. I have had these experiences myself. I mentioned in previous posts that last year I had an experience that basically killed me 14 years ago or close enough, I was dead on my feet. It took my 6-7 years to even start to get back on my feet after it. The weird thing is the people I was around 14 years ago surfaced again during the process. People I would have worked with 14 years ago suddenly just showed up again and situations repeated. People got sick with the same thing. I cannot remember them all but there was like amazing coincidences that somewhat baffle the mind. Also somewhere along my healing process, I tried for hearing voices group unsuccessfully for some reason this time it literally just drops in my lap I was not even looking. It is almost like I got a second chance to take shot at what more or less killed me last time.

I am bit battered and can finally make an effort to move house which would be a God send (again their are good people where I live but well I guess everywhere has a few bad eggs I think after 14 years I have taken enough abuse). I repeated some of the mistakes last time but again the right healers again just seemed to help me at critical points. Also we are on lockdown again and I am in the sisters house well over the 5km lockdown in place from Cobh. It is not pretty but I am alive, I have not been institutionalized, I even get on with my current psychiatrist. I have no idea how but I am even working in the 9-5 and doing little bits on the side. My mind is relaxing few clitch’s along the way but much better.

It is great to be in new environment otherwise be sitting at the computer in Cobh which I did enough off last year.

Voices are acting up a bit but nothing I cannot handle.

Link below to go fund me campaign to get self care cards up and running any help appreciated.

gf.me/u/zfb9q3

Wishing you well

Love and Light

Keep up the good Fight

I like to do simple stuff like below, love more complicated stuff but I just like simple sometimes.