Recovery Lessons

How we now, hope your well. Lovely day here in Cork. See pictures below. Just finished my days work on PC it is good to have my facilities in better shape if not 100%, I am definitely better at work. I have been asking myself about working and being unwell and the general response as I see it from what I see as main stream society.

Lady Luna continues to still evade my attempts to catch her glory and prompts me to do better to see her wares.

Again nothing below is meant to give offense in anyway please do not take offense as this is just my personal experiences.

I have my struggles like everyone but was extremely unwell last year a similar experience I had 14 years ago. My voices went completely into Nuke me the fuck out of here mode. My version of reality became very skewed. The intrusive thoughts/images/sensations etc. and paranoia on a scale of 1-10 was about 50 million.

My recovery is ongoing their are good and bad days but much better than where I was. So I was thinking which is dangerous as they say. When I started to get unwell I was designing cards and working a full week at Steel detailing in front of a PC. I rang my Boss saying well I was not doing well and the idea of working 4 days a week. Possibly stepping back completely. After a brief discussion we decided I was going to work on as always. I let the others in the house know and few people around me. I realize after my outer appearance looked fine bit spaced out but I am like a ninja at hiding that. I can literally smile and answer people without having a single clue what is going on or even what I am talking about. I had been like this for months, It felt like this the whole time while simultaneously feeling spiritually high at the same time. But hey I was working I knew everything after years of this it really was nothing new. I believed this toughened me I could take it.

I had cut myself off as I was having intrusive stuff of an unpleasant nature come through and thought people could read my mind. Which trust me you do not want to share this stuff. I worked through it but during this time could of made a mistake in work which could lead me to getting my ass fired in a job. I am actually back in form enough to do now. I would imagine being canned would be a stressful experience which would not be useful for anyone’s mental health.

At the time of course there was bills to pay and I listened to other people encouraging to stay working. I can’t help but wonder if I just stepped back for two weeks and just took sick pay would that have completely changed the situation. Would I be in a better place now and not have had the experience I had possibly lining me up now to getting fired when I can work away. Also if I had a physical aliment would the Boss and folk around even considered me in working shape. Don’t get me wrong I need the work but I do rely on others opinions if bit unwell.

I remember my thinking at the time and still is. If I step back the GP would be called as before and if I could not convince him I could handle it (especially given my past). I thought I would lose my liberties be committed and given more medication at a level that is not good for anyone. I still believe this today to some extent but I am in the driving seat more now as have a good relationship with my psychiatrist and I am talking to people albeit on zoom but everyone in the same boat.

I think the same issues that came up 14 years ago are just coming up again for me to deal with which I am getting help with. That said it is 14 years later and around half of that was not working just sitting around not doing much. They even placed me on invalidity pension so as far as the state was concerned this one is written off. Not knocking anyone on it but I was in my 30is and I had the capacity to work. Also on the payment I was on I could not really qualify for training in IT which was the line I was hoping to go into at the time. I did find training with a place called the National Learning Network in Ireland and would have landed a job but for the payment I was on in IT. Which was disappointing given the amount of effort I put in at the time.

I can’t help but think if I had met someone with experience like I have now It would have made a big difference. Or the people and groups that support me now would have made a 1000% difference but these take time to build up. I am not sure where I am going with this and I know everyone is doing there best especially 14 years ago when I crashed. That said I did not meet a single person who hears voices through the whole experience until about 6 years in which I believe this would have helped a lot. It would have placed me in a better place much faster would a saved the state loads and I would have been a happy tax payer again. Also a much happier person much sooner with issues from the past at least discussed and had me in a better place.

I would not have felt like a complete freak with experiences. I did not understand and did not know others even had. I recall my experience at one mental institution where a young lady at dinner said “So where are all the mad people , you know the ones who hear voices” everyone shushed her and pointed their heads towards me. I was not in a good place at the time and just lowered my head. To which she said “but I cant believe it he is so quite” this got more shushes. Me with a big red embarrassed face. If this happened now I would just laugh at the young one and poked a bit fun at her.

This is among the reasons I always recommended the Hearing Voices Movement https://www.hearing-voices.org/ . I think there is a support network in just about every area now with people who experience what ever it is. It is really necessary for voice hearers as I think the first voice hearer I heard talk openly about it was Eleanor Longden. Which lead me onto speaking with a few others like Peter Bullimore nice guy who works hard to help people like myself. They really gave me the mentality I can do this.

I continue to have spiritual experiences but I am in a much more grounded place now. On Blue Monday I threw on Krishna Das and imagined sending out happy vibes with spiritual help no clue if it helped but cheered me right up. Saw enlightened beings during my little meditation was delighted with myself just seeing them brightens the mood and emotions. I thank them from the bottom of my heart which they lighten a lot. Did some mediumship at circle last week I did well with a little help, actually I did really well considering this was one of the things I would always avoid trying. As standing in front of group does not suit me. Zoom is not so bad. I have Sita Ram Sita Ram blasting in the headphones helps my type faster but murder on my spellings. I think I will just chill and listen to tunes till I go to bed. Maybe talk to folk a little. Also I need to place a plan in place for me to step back from work and life if in a bit of bother again (I think I was advised this by a voice hearer once, I think I will take the advice now.)

Love and Light Keep up the Good Fight my Friends

Below is a link to my gofundme Self care cards any help appreciated to get project off the ground

gf.me/u/zfb9q3

The Man Who Knows Nothing

Hi, hope this finds you well. Woke up to another lovely morning here. Bit on the cold side but lovely. Woke up with a mind full of story’s and thoughts. Came up with the idea to write a poem knowing absolutely nothing about same. The end result is below. Not really a poem but the idea was there. Nothing in it is meant to give offense just written with an open heart and my current knowledge set.

I

I know nothing.

I used to start my prayers in this manner.

How can I truly hope to understand anything?

Without first admitting my complete and utter ignorance.

I am 45 with a little flare of madness I personally love but

it comes with pain. Some would argue I am utterly mad and

evil for my beliefs but oddly enough I disagree 😊,

But I know nothing.

II

Remember I know nothing. (seriously ask a woman they

will tell you 😊) There are about 7.8 billion people on

this planet. Which such brilliant diversity it could only

bring a smile of joy to the heart. However, there are

those who preach hate at this diversity to me they are

truly and utterly mad but I believe they learned this through

various means so, part of me feels sorry for them but If it

can be learned it can be unlearned. I must believe you are

not born with hate in your heart. Before I go further remember

 I know nothing.

III

Science

I love science. It has saved a lot of lives it has helped humanity

boat loads. There are many points of view on the new vaccine.

I respect each and mine knowing I know nothing 😊. The Earth

is almost 400 miles in radius. The Milky Way (like the Galaxy

you know) is probably between 100,000 and 150,000 light years

across give or take like, (sounds big) The known Universe 93

billion light years in diameter (sounds bigger). Also thank God for

Goggle. The earth has been around for about 4.543 billion years

wow we really should continue the effort to respect Mother Earth

she is old. People are around about 300,000 years give or take a few

years. (seriously like google knows a lot but not everything) To place

that all in perspective I am about 5’8” and a half and 45 years old.

How the heck am I supposed to understand anything,

given the time frame and sizes involved. I learned to trust some,

and I have my Spiritual beliefs, but would be careful of those who

say they know it all. I give thanks to my ancestors whether they

used science or not they survived in a rough environment to allow

all this to be. However, one thing I do know is the look in my dog’s

eyes when I am going out the door. It is like devastating. I love the

way science changes it is point of view to suit new findings.

I know I love Science. Like mostly.

IV

I have seen and experienced true evil and true good

or at least my perception of them. I believe in a

Goddess/God that wants us to learn and grow in

love to such an extent he/she has placed us here to do so.

I honestly believe he/she does not want us here to suffer

and would encourage us to grow but like any good parent

watches their children learn and make their own mistakes.

Even when it truly hurts both to do so. That said what do I

know of Gods and Goddess, I know nothing. I would not argue

any of this with anyone as I remind myself again, I know nothing.

Yet I believe I am attached to an eternal soul that reaches far

back and will continue on after I am gone, and it has been my

honor to get this far in life and contribute to same. I have met

some brilliant people along the way. I may not have always seen

eye to eye but I learn and grow from each in my own unique way.

I believe most of them think I am mad, not sure if that is a good or

bad thing yet or both. I think it is both. Yah I know it is both.

V

I truly know nothing.

Do I write these things to make sense or something

resembling a sense of an understanding of a world and

universe where they may be none. Are these nice words

to sooth a troubled mind. That said I honestly believe the

Devine and Spirit have touched me with a sense of love and

bliss that feels like everything and more, and I just cry in joy

and pain when it comes. But I truly know nothing.

VI

Sure, would I know?

How could a man of a mere man of 45 years truly understand

anything. Other than I am going to enjoy my next cuppa with

a biscuit I should probably not eat after my Christmas. Also

learning love and compassion, doing my best to listen and

understand folk but my mind wonders sure I do my best.

Sure, what would I know?

Wishing Everyone the best

Love and light keep up the good fight.

Mike

I have been told one of my Spirit guides was brilliant guy below for a while mine change a lot. Looking at above I feel confirms it to some extent. I always like to say I have experiences but let people make up their own mind up and do my best to not judge them on their opinions of me which they are entitled to.

Below is link to self-care cards I would like to do any help including sharing gofundme campaign is much appreciated. See link for more info. gf.me/u/zfb9q3

Abundance/HV Group/Synchronicity

Hi, hope this finds you well. It was a lovely blue sky here today if a little on the cold side.

I had a fairly lazy start to the morning did up couple posts for My Facebook page see link below. https://www.facebook.com/ReikiMike I try do motivational posts sometimes funny posts (I do my best, honest).

I did an Abundance course with Christine Mulvihill lovely woman I owe her and her circle’s and courses a lot. I developed my ability to read cards and various other things through her and the people I met. She is not perfect just Brilliant but she took me on when a lot of other people would not of given the time of day. Apparently some of the community I live in have given my quite the reputation (not in a good way). Also I hear voices and a history of going in and out of mental institutions. I got real and great healing through her. I owe her and every one I met along the way a lot and I will not forget that. Link to her Facebook Page Below https://www.facebook.com/christine.mulv

I went to Hearing Voices group online. Unfortunately logged on late but the information was brilliant one of the woman really knows her stuff. I did not say much but the information I got in space of 3/4 of an hour would put most councilors and therapists to shame. Mostly because they do not really understand the experience and would find it difficult to relate to. Also just to see certain topics touched on was amazing you would need to go through a ludicrous threat assessment depending on what Mental Health professional you where talking to on this stuff. I have raised these topics with professionals and family before and you could see their reaction, they just had no idea what to make of it and usually make the situation much more difficult. No really there fault they honestly they just cannot relate or need to believe they can’t not sure which (Probably just me paranoid on this one, maybe also the mind(ego) is incredible at lying to itself to maintain it’s belief in what it is, just my opinion). http://www.hearingvoicesusa.org/ This is a link to one of their sites.

Synchronicity – This is “meaningful coincidences” I heard someone bring this up during the day. I have had these experiences myself. I mentioned in previous posts that last year I had an experience that basically killed me 14 years ago or close enough, I was dead on my feet. It took my 6-7 years to even start to get back on my feet after it. The weird thing is the people I was around 14 years ago surfaced again during the process. People I would have worked with 14 years ago suddenly just showed up again and situations repeated. People got sick with the same thing. I cannot remember them all but there was like amazing coincidences that somewhat baffle the mind. Also somewhere along my healing process, I tried for hearing voices group unsuccessfully for some reason this time it literally just drops in my lap I was not even looking. It is almost like I got a second chance to take shot at what more or less killed me last time.

I am bit battered and can finally make an effort to move house which would be a God send (again their are good people where I live but well I guess everywhere has a few bad eggs I think after 14 years I have taken enough abuse). I repeated some of the mistakes last time but again the right healers again just seemed to help me at critical points. Also we are on lockdown again and I am in the sisters house well over the 5km lockdown in place from Cobh. It is not pretty but I am alive, I have not been institutionalized, I even get on with my current psychiatrist. I have no idea how but I am even working in the 9-5 and doing little bits on the side. My mind is relaxing few clitch’s along the way but much better.

It is great to be in new environment otherwise be sitting at the computer in Cobh which I did enough off last year.

Voices are acting up a bit but nothing I cannot handle.

Link below to go fund me campaign to get self care cards up and running any help appreciated.

gf.me/u/zfb9q3

Wishing you well

Love and Light

Keep up the good Fight

I like to do simple stuff like below, love more complicated stuff but I just like simple sometimes.