Meditation & day to day stuff

Meditation & Voices

Started practicing Autogenics in the morning as well as the evening. I am on the final part of the first phase it only takes couple of minutes and I feel my arms and legs get heavy so I think it’s working. I would really recommend it, might stick link on end of page to it.

Also been waking up a bit early so decided to practise mantra meditation in the mornings. Tried before but gave up the voices were quite intense at the time. I just reapet the same word or phrase over and over until I feel I have had enough. After I practised it this morning I felt very relaxed and calm. I just lay here in bed with my eyes closed listening to occasional voice that popped into my head and the various odd images I sometimes see when I close my eyes. I would answer the odd voice and react to odd image if I found it threatening but all in all I was very relaxed and I have never really made sense of images I see. It’s like your dreaming except your wide awake with your eyes closed.

Might look around for course on mindfulness. I use podcast of 20 minute meditation on the iPad most evenings. I believe it helps me accept where my life is , which I can sometimes struggle with. It also helps me focus on the moment which is good as I can spend most of the day in my head.

Voices quite enough this week. One of the voices I call Mary is trying to be helpful but neither of the two of us are used to interacting that way be interesting to see if stays that way. They still call me names and stuff but I don’t react as much. I guess at this stage I should accept that they might always call me unpleasant things, it doesn’t bother me as much.

Running

Went back running a day or two ago it went fine considering I was off for two weeks. I am determined to build an aerobic base through maff method. So I am back shuffling along the road and calling it running. It’s great to be back running it gives my mind something other than work to focus on. I think my dog is happier than me to be back running.

Work

Work seems to be going fine. I was going to tell them I have schizophrenia but ended up asking for a raise instead, not sure how that worked out. I might say it to them yet but I will see. There taking me up to an open day on the program I use next Wednesday. I guess it’s a day out of the office but I don’t like crowds so will just see how goes.

There was a bit of excitement in work Friday morning there was a leak in roof and there was water going everywhere. Not good for PC’s.  Myself and another guy where mopping up water with tea towels. 

Intrusive thoughts:

Intrusive thoughts is a subject When I looked at a few years ago and I could find out very little about. Also if you bring this up with a mental health professional you may get a very bad reaction. They are without doubt one of the main contributors to the reason I tried to commit suicide a few times. I regret having tried this but can’t change what I have done, and just try and do all I can to see it never happens again. I read an article this morning about a mother having intrusive thoughts about her baby. It is very interesting I would recommend if you have an interest in trying to understanding such things.

Link to intrusive thought article
Hope this post finds you well.

Keep up the good fight✊🏾👍🏼👌🏽🏃🏼

Link to autogenics