Ain’t life grand

Last year my mental health hit the rocks.

Today I did my third week walk/run.

Another stepping stone in my physical/mental health.

My voices roared and bellowed I am a evil for this and that.

I still reckon I am a nice guy.

They stab at my body expressing their pain, it hurts.

But I look at the sky it is blue the clouds are beautiful white.

I give thanks.

I think of a quote I heard once life is grand even racked with misery and doubt.

I smile I almost cry in joy at the madness and beauty of it all.

The sweat rolls off my brow.

For a while it is grand to be mad again.

I smile.

What’s the Story

So just a little question what is Enlightenment/Grace/Divinity/. These are questions and mere opinions of one who fully acknowledges he knows nothing and is learning. See past post. The Man Who Knows Nothing

I could quote many fancy stuff from the internet and make lovely arguments about this that and the other in big fancy words but I don’t want to. I am just going to say what they mean to me briefly. I have a high energy now and just need to plough it into something. I guess this is it.

Enlightenment to me is acceptance/understanding of life and those around you with compassion and love but not to make you a doormat/controlled by anybody or anything or ideology or any system of control. The ability to listen, think, accept and act in love and compassion and peace. What is love and compassion. I don’t know, it makes your heart smile when you feel it. To smile at someone with compassion even with tears in your own eyes and your own heart hurts. To learn to take care of yourself even when your first instinct is to give or to give when your first instinct is to hold on. To let go of what just does not serve the good in you and others even when they slap your face. It is parents of a family who sacrifice for their kids who are our future. It is what we feel for our partners when they are not driving us mad. Love is many things to many people.

I guess compassion and acceptance and the fight for what you believe in and who you believe in. Yet the ability to be at peace with yourself and others in a world that is not quite at peace with itself and the ability to deal with that with a peaceful and loving heart when what is being slapped in your face. But these are just ideas not enlightenment much harder to do. I am sure they are much nicer ways of saying this and it has been done fancier many times I just want to write what it means to me now in this moment not to quote those who are enlightened ,who would probably make it sound much better and wiser. Have a think what does it mean to you. Without quoting anyone teachings or ideas as much as possible and no fancy words make it real simple.

Grace/Divinity, To me these are sort of the same thing given my belief system which I draw from just about anywhere and what I have channeled and understand myself. Doing my best not to quote anyone’s ideas grace to me is sort of love and compassion and a link to God/Goddess and enlightened beings. It is the spiritual enlightened beings who through them we feel the Grace of the Divine there love their understanding of us utterly. It is a love that see’s every part of us all the light all the dark and loves us as fiercely regardless with every fiber of its being. I believe there are consequences for everything but the love they feel through all of it never diminishes no matter what we do. The brief sense of connection to the Divine I have felt in the dark times and in good times. The brief occasions I asked it shone on others and I thank it a million fold. It is the guidance they give us even if we cannot see it.

The ever guiding light home. Where we belong.

Thanks for reading just felt a build up of energy to do something I guess this is it. Well the energy is gone so all good my side. It is not meant to offend and I wish you well.

Love and Light Keep up the Good Fight

What do these things me to you, go have a think try not to quote anyone or use big fancy words see what you got.

Below is a link to gofundme for self care cards I am trying to get off the ground any help appreciated, Much Gratitude and thanks.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/selfcare-cards

Recovery Lessons

How we now, hope your well. Lovely day here in Cork. See pictures below. Just finished my days work on PC it is good to have my facilities in better shape if not 100%, I am definitely better at work. I have been asking myself about working and being unwell and the general response as I see it from what I see as main stream society.

Lady Luna continues to still evade my attempts to catch her glory and prompts me to do better to see her wares.

Again nothing below is meant to give offense in anyway please do not take offense as this is just my personal experiences.

I have my struggles like everyone but was extremely unwell last year a similar experience I had 14 years ago. My voices went completely into Nuke me the fuck out of here mode. My version of reality became very skewed. The intrusive thoughts/images/sensations etc. and paranoia on a scale of 1-10 was about 50 million.

My recovery is ongoing their are good and bad days but much better than where I was. So I was thinking which is dangerous as they say. When I started to get unwell I was designing cards and working a full week at Steel detailing in front of a PC. I rang my Boss saying well I was not doing well and the idea of working 4 days a week. Possibly stepping back completely. After a brief discussion we decided I was going to work on as always. I let the others in the house know and few people around me. I realize after my outer appearance looked fine bit spaced out but I am like a ninja at hiding that. I can literally smile and answer people without having a single clue what is going on or even what I am talking about. I had been like this for months, It felt like this the whole time while simultaneously feeling spiritually high at the same time. But hey I was working I knew everything after years of this it really was nothing new. I believed this toughened me I could take it.

I had cut myself off as I was having intrusive stuff of an unpleasant nature come through and thought people could read my mind. Which trust me you do not want to share this stuff. I worked through it but during this time could of made a mistake in work which could lead me to getting my ass fired in a job. I am actually back in form enough to do now. I would imagine being canned would be a stressful experience which would not be useful for anyone’s mental health.

At the time of course there was bills to pay and I listened to other people encouraging to stay working. I can’t help but wonder if I just stepped back for two weeks and just took sick pay would that have completely changed the situation. Would I be in a better place now and not have had the experience I had possibly lining me up now to getting fired when I can work away. Also if I had a physical aliment would the Boss and folk around even considered me in working shape. Don’t get me wrong I need the work but I do rely on others opinions if bit unwell.

I remember my thinking at the time and still is. If I step back the GP would be called as before and if I could not convince him I could handle it (especially given my past). I thought I would lose my liberties be committed and given more medication at a level that is not good for anyone. I still believe this today to some extent but I am in the driving seat more now as have a good relationship with my psychiatrist and I am talking to people albeit on zoom but everyone in the same boat.

I think the same issues that came up 14 years ago are just coming up again for me to deal with which I am getting help with. That said it is 14 years later and around half of that was not working just sitting around not doing much. They even placed me on invalidity pension so as far as the state was concerned this one is written off. Not knocking anyone on it but I was in my 30is and I had the capacity to work. Also on the payment I was on I could not really qualify for training in IT which was the line I was hoping to go into at the time. I did find training with a place called the National Learning Network in Ireland and would have landed a job but for the payment I was on in IT. Which was disappointing given the amount of effort I put in at the time.

I can’t help but think if I had met someone with experience like I have now It would have made a big difference. Or the people and groups that support me now would have made a 1000% difference but these take time to build up. I am not sure where I am going with this and I know everyone is doing there best especially 14 years ago when I crashed. That said I did not meet a single person who hears voices through the whole experience until about 6 years in which I believe this would have helped a lot. It would have placed me in a better place much faster would a saved the state loads and I would have been a happy tax payer again. Also a much happier person much sooner with issues from the past at least discussed and had me in a better place.

I would not have felt like a complete freak with experiences. I did not understand and did not know others even had. I recall my experience at one mental institution where a young lady at dinner said “So where are all the mad people , you know the ones who hear voices” everyone shushed her and pointed their heads towards me. I was not in a good place at the time and just lowered my head. To which she said “but I cant believe it he is so quite” this got more shushes. Me with a big red embarrassed face. If this happened now I would just laugh at the young one and poked a bit fun at her.

This is among the reasons I always recommended the Hearing Voices Movement https://www.hearing-voices.org/ . I think there is a support network in just about every area now with people who experience what ever it is. It is really necessary for voice hearers as I think the first voice hearer I heard talk openly about it was Eleanor Longden. Which lead me onto speaking with a few others like Peter Bullimore nice guy who works hard to help people like myself. They really gave me the mentality I can do this.

I continue to have spiritual experiences but I am in a much more grounded place now. On Blue Monday I threw on Krishna Das and imagined sending out happy vibes with spiritual help no clue if it helped but cheered me right up. Saw enlightened beings during my little meditation was delighted with myself just seeing them brightens the mood and emotions. I thank them from the bottom of my heart which they lighten a lot. Did some mediumship at circle last week I did well with a little help, actually I did really well considering this was one of the things I would always avoid trying. As standing in front of group does not suit me. Zoom is not so bad. I have Sita Ram Sita Ram blasting in the headphones helps my type faster but murder on my spellings. I think I will just chill and listen to tunes till I go to bed. Maybe talk to folk a little. Also I need to place a plan in place for me to step back from work and life if in a bit of bother again (I think I was advised this by a voice hearer once, I think I will take the advice now.)

Love and Light Keep up the Good Fight my Friends

Below is a link to my gofundme Self care cards any help appreciated to get project off the ground

gf.me/u/zfb9q3

The Man Who Knows Nothing

Hi, hope this finds you well. Woke up to another lovely morning here. Bit on the cold side but lovely. Woke up with a mind full of story’s and thoughts. Came up with the idea to write a poem knowing absolutely nothing about same. The end result is below. Not really a poem but the idea was there. Nothing in it is meant to give offense just written with an open heart and my current knowledge set.

I

I know nothing.

I used to start my prayers in this manner.

How can I truly hope to understand anything?

Without first admitting my complete and utter ignorance.

I am 45 with a little flare of madness I personally love but

it comes with pain. Some would argue I am utterly mad and

evil for my beliefs but oddly enough I disagree 😊,

But I know nothing.

II

Remember I know nothing. (seriously ask a woman they

will tell you 😊) There are about 7.8 billion people on

this planet. Which such brilliant diversity it could only

bring a smile of joy to the heart. However, there are

those who preach hate at this diversity to me they are

truly and utterly mad but I believe they learned this through

various means so, part of me feels sorry for them but If it

can be learned it can be unlearned. I must believe you are

not born with hate in your heart. Before I go further remember

 I know nothing.

III

Science

I love science. It has saved a lot of lives it has helped humanity

boat loads. There are many points of view on the new vaccine.

I respect each and mine knowing I know nothing 😊. The Earth

is almost 400 miles in radius. The Milky Way (like the Galaxy

you know) is probably between 100,000 and 150,000 light years

across give or take like, (sounds big) The known Universe 93

billion light years in diameter (sounds bigger). Also thank God for

Goggle. The earth has been around for about 4.543 billion years

wow we really should continue the effort to respect Mother Earth

she is old. People are around about 300,000 years give or take a few

years. (seriously like google knows a lot but not everything) To place

that all in perspective I am about 5’8” and a half and 45 years old.

How the heck am I supposed to understand anything,

given the time frame and sizes involved. I learned to trust some,

and I have my Spiritual beliefs, but would be careful of those who

say they know it all. I give thanks to my ancestors whether they

used science or not they survived in a rough environment to allow

all this to be. However, one thing I do know is the look in my dog’s

eyes when I am going out the door. It is like devastating. I love the

way science changes it is point of view to suit new findings.

I know I love Science. Like mostly.

IV

I have seen and experienced true evil and true good

or at least my perception of them. I believe in a

Goddess/God that wants us to learn and grow in

love to such an extent he/she has placed us here to do so.

I honestly believe he/she does not want us here to suffer

and would encourage us to grow but like any good parent

watches their children learn and make their own mistakes.

Even when it truly hurts both to do so. That said what do I

know of Gods and Goddess, I know nothing. I would not argue

any of this with anyone as I remind myself again, I know nothing.

Yet I believe I am attached to an eternal soul that reaches far

back and will continue on after I am gone, and it has been my

honor to get this far in life and contribute to same. I have met

some brilliant people along the way. I may not have always seen

eye to eye but I learn and grow from each in my own unique way.

I believe most of them think I am mad, not sure if that is a good or

bad thing yet or both. I think it is both. Yah I know it is both.

V

I truly know nothing.

Do I write these things to make sense or something

resembling a sense of an understanding of a world and

universe where they may be none. Are these nice words

to sooth a troubled mind. That said I honestly believe the

Devine and Spirit have touched me with a sense of love and

bliss that feels like everything and more, and I just cry in joy

and pain when it comes. But I truly know nothing.

VI

Sure, would I know?

How could a man of a mere man of 45 years truly understand

anything. Other than I am going to enjoy my next cuppa with

a biscuit I should probably not eat after my Christmas. Also

learning love and compassion, doing my best to listen and

understand folk but my mind wonders sure I do my best.

Sure, what would I know?

Wishing Everyone the best

Love and light keep up the good fight.

Mike

I have been told one of my Spirit guides was brilliant guy below for a while mine change a lot. Looking at above I feel confirms it to some extent. I always like to say I have experiences but let people make up their own mind up and do my best to not judge them on their opinions of me which they are entitled to.

Below is link to self-care cards I would like to do any help including sharing gofundme campaign is much appreciated. See link for more info. gf.me/u/zfb9q3

Abundance/HV Group/Synchronicity

Hi, hope this finds you well. It was a lovely blue sky here today if a little on the cold side.

I had a fairly lazy start to the morning did up couple posts for My Facebook page see link below. https://www.facebook.com/ReikiMike I try do motivational posts sometimes funny posts (I do my best, honest).

I did an Abundance course with Christine Mulvihill lovely woman I owe her and her circle’s and courses a lot. I developed my ability to read cards and various other things through her and the people I met. She is not perfect just Brilliant but she took me on when a lot of other people would not of given the time of day. Apparently some of the community I live in have given my quite the reputation (not in a good way). Also I hear voices and a history of going in and out of mental institutions. I got real and great healing through her. I owe her and every one I met along the way a lot and I will not forget that. Link to her Facebook Page Below https://www.facebook.com/christine.mulv

I went to Hearing Voices group online. Unfortunately logged on late but the information was brilliant one of the woman really knows her stuff. I did not say much but the information I got in space of 3/4 of an hour would put most councilors and therapists to shame. Mostly because they do not really understand the experience and would find it difficult to relate to. Also just to see certain topics touched on was amazing you would need to go through a ludicrous threat assessment depending on what Mental Health professional you where talking to on this stuff. I have raised these topics with professionals and family before and you could see their reaction, they just had no idea what to make of it and usually make the situation much more difficult. No really there fault they honestly they just cannot relate or need to believe they can’t not sure which (Probably just me paranoid on this one, maybe also the mind(ego) is incredible at lying to itself to maintain it’s belief in what it is, just my opinion). http://www.hearingvoicesusa.org/ This is a link to one of their sites.

Synchronicity – This is “meaningful coincidences” I heard someone bring this up during the day. I have had these experiences myself. I mentioned in previous posts that last year I had an experience that basically killed me 14 years ago or close enough, I was dead on my feet. It took my 6-7 years to even start to get back on my feet after it. The weird thing is the people I was around 14 years ago surfaced again during the process. People I would have worked with 14 years ago suddenly just showed up again and situations repeated. People got sick with the same thing. I cannot remember them all but there was like amazing coincidences that somewhat baffle the mind. Also somewhere along my healing process, I tried for hearing voices group unsuccessfully for some reason this time it literally just drops in my lap I was not even looking. It is almost like I got a second chance to take shot at what more or less killed me last time.

I am bit battered and can finally make an effort to move house which would be a God send (again their are good people where I live but well I guess everywhere has a few bad eggs I think after 14 years I have taken enough abuse). I repeated some of the mistakes last time but again the right healers again just seemed to help me at critical points. Also we are on lockdown again and I am in the sisters house well over the 5km lockdown in place from Cobh. It is not pretty but I am alive, I have not been institutionalized, I even get on with my current psychiatrist. I have no idea how but I am even working in the 9-5 and doing little bits on the side. My mind is relaxing few clitch’s along the way but much better.

It is great to be in new environment otherwise be sitting at the computer in Cobh which I did enough off last year.

Voices are acting up a bit but nothing I cannot handle.

Link below to go fund me campaign to get self care cards up and running any help appreciated.

gf.me/u/zfb9q3

Wishing you well

Love and Light

Keep up the good Fight

I like to do simple stuff like below, love more complicated stuff but I just like simple sometimes.

Love/Hate

For some reason I was reminded of a few years ago of an interaction with a person in a spiritual circle I was in. She said something very unpleasant after a rough night. I felt hurt it really did not go down well. She did not mean for me to overhear it (maybe she did I don’t know). So, was not sure if I was going to the next night or ever again. So, I left there in an extremely negative state of mind. In the past I would have left there in an incredibly positive state of mind and would always expected to do so. So, I felt this hurt even more so. I also hear voices which when something goes slightly wrong, they can build an extremely negative energy around something. Which can cause me a bit of bother and low self-esteem.

I woke up the next day and the voices set in the mood was low from the night before. I was never going to return to that spiritual circle again and I relied on it for support in the past.

I asked spirit for some help, I think around the same time I had strong connection with “Paramahansa Yogananda” in spirit. I then sat back and just started to list off positive points of this person. They could be anything, I will not go into detail, but I accepted they where the way they were towards me as a reflection of what they had been through. They had been through a tough time of it.

So, every time the voices set in about how this person hates me. I would just start listing the positive points of this person. I would keep doing this almost like a mantra over and over. After experiencing this for few days on and off. I truly felt a true appreciation for this person as a human being. What I experienced few nights ago was an extremely poor representation of her and there was entire world of stuff to her. I felt no connection to the hurt I had felt that night.

I may have done this to much as I felt like a light energy build up on back left of my brain. I was not quite high, but I probably could have grounded a bit more during this time frame. It was truly a lovely experience.

I went back to the circle we got along. I cannot remember exactly what was said but we continued in the circle. I had some brilliant nights in that circle since that night.

If I had given in to bitterness, I would not have had those excellent experiences. I would have not remembered the circle fondly. Which I most certainly do now. I simply see it as a growing experience now. Do not take people’s shit seriously as a reflection of yourself. You genuinely do not know where they are coming from or what they have been through.

I felt inspired by Paramahansa Yogananda to write this I still feel his connection from time to time.

And felt like sharing have a great day.

Love and Light till next time keep up the good fight

Morning

Morning, hope this finds you well. Lovely morning here but bit cold. It is about -1 but it feels like -8. Be back working tomorrow from home so will probably not post for the week or so.

I had my first Hearing voices group yesterday. It is a support group for people for hear voices. It was very interesting, to hear some things discussed that I would not bother tell most people given the reactions I got in the past. The was a range of accents I would need to get used to. My attention can be poor but I was mostly present in the group. I really liked it. Chakras and energy was even mentioned which I was surprised at. I looking forward to attending more meetings and just see where it goes.

My body feels a bit sore from the experience of being attacked the night before in the night it feels like muscles are pulled odd experience might bring weekly group I joined. I had a good night sleep did half wake to voices saying something or other don’t pay much attention any more. I thing one woke me up saying “We know what you are”. Had some interesting dreams.

Started get well cards but ended up looking at making my own website. Looks like a bit of work but looks handy enough on WordPress. Send self care cards of to a councilor to have a quick look to see if anything political dodgy in them. I have 3 decks ready but liking the motivational and self-care cards might do these first as I can afford to get these printed up.

Might do a little work and exercise today but mostly just might chill with Netflix as back a full time job tomorrow. Had thought about God stuff below from my diary again I would not argue this stuff just a thought.

“Popped into my head today if you do not feel protected or annoyed at the divine for some reason or the bad thing happened. All good parents let their children learn and make their own mistakes otherwise how would they ever learn and grow and evolve. I feel this is one of the harsher things I have written in a while, but I believe there is truth to it.”

Below is a link to Go Fund Me to Get Self Care Cards done up any few quid be appreciated to help fund them.

Love and Light

Keep up the Good Fight

The Blessing of a New Day

Good morning it is a lovely morning here pictures attached. I am thankful for the blessing of another day also a break from where I live to get into the countryside. It really is a lovely spot.

I designed two Mother’s Day Cards yesterday I quite like them, the Sisters said they like them so as month goes on see where can get them printed up cheap ready for March. Plan to look at some get well cards today see how I do. Might do another Mother’s Day card see how I go.

It is great to see reactions to stuff I place on Facebook. Plan to promote the sight bit more but later in the month. The voices are much quitter this morning which is nice.

I had a good night’s sleep woke to some weird stuff. So woke up to slight sweat pains in my forearms and hands and hips and smell of rotten eggs and sensation in the stomach of something that should not be there, I heard a car driving off at the same time. Not sure what to make of it other than the pain is real and the weakness in my arms is real and my stomach feels off However, when I focus on it I can make it go away mostly. It sort of feels like there is something eating you but you cannot see it a bit unpleasant to say the least. I have gotten more than used to it over the years. I always associate it with some people and combination of voices I have interacted with over the years. I also note at least I am not in Cobh where I would hear many cars driving away and few folks messing about and laughing. I like Cobh and there is some brilliant people there but it appears to be a few bad apples as well. I have had the belief they followed me up the country a few times and other places for about 14 years now. I look forward to selling my house and moving to country on to a little land. Where I have more peace of mind.

I did little energy work which seems to reduce and clear the effect of the night. It should clear over the day. Might ask the Sister for some distance Reiki might clear a but faster. I went outside and stood on the grass little cold but it is lovely to feel the ground under your feet.

I am curious do any other people pick up on anything of my experiences but after asking many questions over the years I learned to stop asking as it is a waste of time. I count my blessings and set my intent to do a little exercise and little work before the day is done and try not to eat to much chocolate. I tell myself this knowing full well I will eat the chocolate but I think you are allowed this time of year, not sure my weighing scales agrees with me.

Below is a link to Go Fund Me to Get Self Care Cards done up any few quid be appreciated to help fund them.

Have a great day.

Love and light.

May the Divine Shower with Blessings.

10 Blessing to Note Today:

My body is Healthy and well.

It is a lovely morning.

I am getting bit of my own design work done.

It is a lovely quite spot here.

I am always grateful for my spiritual connection.

My mind/body is recovering every day

There are some lovely goldfish next to me quite happy swimming around there bowl.

I have designed 3 sets of cards ready to go into production later this month.

I have plenty of food and running water.

I can go for a quick run to clear the mind. Hope to do so now.

Happy New Year/Despair to Hope

A new year.

A time for Hope.

A time for despair.

You choose.

So I have heard voices all my life. 14 years ago I hit the rocks ended up depressed for years and about 21 stone in weight. More or less sitting around broke and utterly miserable few suicide attempts in and out of mental health facilities. No money no job not exactly the happiest man you would speak to. No real hope for a future.

I would not recommend the experience. I made the decision about 6 years in get off my ass as I just could not continue as I was. Starting walking managed about a mile first day and nearly had a heart attack, I kept going and persisted badgered by voices every step of the way and my own inner demons. That decision lead me to wobble around three marathons and I have been working for the last 6 years. I have a strong faith in the Divine which helps.

I met the right people in circles and holistic healing course which brought me along leaps and bounds. It has not all been plane sailing. I have had many difficulties and pit stops along the way. So skip forward to this year my mind hit the same place it hit 14 years ago but this time I know from experience what to do or at least what not to do.

I eventually asked the right people for help the lock down here did not help. Also the fact I though I was invincible did not help either but eventually got the strength to ask for help. I choose to keep a positive outlook as best I could can be tricky with voices. Not sure if I won more than I lost but I set my intent and kept dusting myself off along the way. Learned about myself and others this year. I designed a set of cards for motivation and reading along the way hope to get them production next year. I ran a Facebook page to do motivational quotes during this time frame which I am very proud off given my state of mind. I have not had the need to be committed in about 9ish years which I am also very proud off it is extremely difficult to get off this circle of going in and out of mental institutions once it starts.

I think what differed this time to the last time was simply experience and just shear determination to not go back to where I was and of course a lot of help along the way from here and above. I am much better place now but of course like everyone still have work to do.

At any time during this year I could of simply choose utter disappear and done something that would of landed me right back in hospital or the morgue. I know as I have made decisions in the past that did so.

I guess what I am trying to say is you cannot choose what life throws at you but really can choose how to respond to it. I choose to what I can with what I have and not to forget to smile even if there are a few tears along the way.

Choose Hope not despair. You might be in the same situation but you would have at least some joy in your heart.

Happy new year

I wish you the best

Below is a link to Go Fund Me to Get Self Care Cards done up any few quid be appreciated to help fund them.

Just little extract from my diary (just give you some insight to where my mind is )as always take with a pinch of salt but never assume it is all mad. Best of luck figuring which. I use term V/P which cover voices or people which are getting hard to tell apart. Also just wondered do others have such experiences.

I would appear some local concerned V/P took the liberty to knock me right into trance/blackout with my mother in the room. I lose cognitive function just slightly did feel a lot of movement in energy in my hands and effect on my visuals. Like fluttering out of consciousness. I thought if I worked on my boundaries it would work and almost did and helped but did not stop them in the end. I believe had I my full cognitive capacity I would have left the room, which I believe I did not, I remind myself to do this in the future as it is safer. My mother was unaware of anything. I came do saying in my mind “I only work in love and light. I am asking you to leave.” Repeatedly. They then proceeded to show me imagery of horror stuff (intrusive thoughts) with the comment that is lovely imagery to have in your head. I was just coming out of slight black out and said I have whole universes in my head which looks so real I was convinced for a lot of my life they were, but they are not. I have imagery in my head of all sorts of heavenly and hellish things and I am not explaining it to anyone who just wonders by happily knocking me out, violating my being having their bit of fun and then fuckling off proud of themselves, they where messing around with local freak.

Did see two women walking off might of been them to paranoid to do much of anything. Once I regained me senses from this violation of my person. I said, I just do not care and just fuck off to V/P. It is my intent to repeat, as much as possible going forward and if they violate my mind just come back to my senses and tell them to kindly fuck off. One of the V/P would always argue I should not be around people as they are people with evil intention. I cannot really argue this anymore and hope to get out of here soon and away from such people as much as possible. I trust no one as they cannot be trusted but there are good people of course they are simply hard to see right now.

It can be tricky with V/P it seemed someone sneak into Neighbors and shouted something about move out you chancer., sort of hard to take this seriously other than I have meet many arseholes in my time. Also, neighbor’s dogs never went off so just ignoring, nice if I could keep nice flow like this when walking around it would be fun and on top of that there is some fucking thing interfering with my balls (tactile sensation) so 2020 apparently everyone is having a hard time. Which I am glad for the blessing of health for me and my family also keep my Uncle in mind as he has cancer. I am glad of the blessing of a new born in the family (safely & healthy for all involved). All of my family are clear of the bloody COVID-19 which is great. I am alive and breathing even came up with lovely slogan I got a giggle from. (will stick in picture at end) I have a roof over my head and technically still employed which is a blessing. I have a card with few quid to treat myself and someone else. I am surer of what I want to do in life, and I am excited to move forward with faith and hope in my heart. I am honestly curious were my life goes. Also, like Krishna Das has brilliant stuff if you are into chanting look him up on YouTube. I should throw him a few quid his stuff has helped me, wishing him well as he has Limes disease. I am thankful my Spiritual and Divine connection that comes through and has grown stronger. I just feel in the flow and happy to be alive. God is Good the Goddess is Good Life is good, but it is not all unicorns and rainbows. I reminded off cliché if it was not for the dark night how would we know the light. Sita Ram Sita Ram (Krishna Das song). I am thankful for new understanding of my being and others. I am thankful for the words Fuck Off I believe these will bring me much peace. I guess “No” would have done but hey some folks need clarifying. I am thankful for my ability to heal with help, to heal faster than I thought possible from a thing I would rather not speak off.

God/Madness/People/Voices–Part—4

How we now this is continued on from God/Madness/People/Voices–Part—3.
So just want to summarize with few beliefs I have picked up and developed along the away with information I believe from the Divine as well. These are just my beliefs they are not meant to offend in anyway what’s so ever. I would not dream of arguing any of these with anyone as people are entitled to their beliefs some of which you need to figure out and come to yourself. Below extract from my personal diary tidied up a bit.

“How we now V/P went to have a go at my belief in God and science. I have no idea why. I can learn to adopt my beliefs as I go but no matter what I chose to believe in God/Goddess. I believe, I guess faith. I have done this blindly and I have tried and looked into things myself possibly guided to figure out stuff that has never or have not been done in a while I honestly don’t know. Other than when in a room with people that know their stuff and I kick off they give it labels I have no interest in. I am again greatly humbled by having experiences I would call Divine Love touching my life and heart when I was basically out of options this picked me up a lot.

Even when I was really in the shitter. I prayed I gave out to God (a little) I genuine believe there is no harm in this. God is more than able to take it just give him some thanks after. I had some old thoughts/beliefs about my hope science will figure out some stuff around the God stuff/Energy/conscious etc. that at least this part of science that will remain respected by all will actually become something else it’s a hope/belief not sure where form it originated from a while back.

I am not sure if I lost my faith once and just kept praying I can’t remember (I really struggled around my own sexual abuse as a child and others and the thought God sat by and just did nothing. I struggled with this a long time. I don’t remember if I came up with an answer. I cant remember now as lame as it sounds all I have in my head is God/Goddess is love and nothing else. Everything he/she does is out of love and would not want us to go through this. Part of my belief is we are here to learn and evolve and in my belief God surfers this pain to allow us to do so and I do mean pain.

As messed up as it sounds their have been incredible human beings born form absolute horror and also destroyed by it myself included . I don’t know. I know this sounds lame but again I am not God/Goddess and it is a belief, I came to from various experiences or guided to I cant remember there is to much in my head over the years. I need to get better at this part and grow more but I need to chill for a while. I would not argue this with anyone they are entitled to their beliefs as am I. I would never argue this as everyone makes their own piece with what they have.

I have other beliefs like this I would not dream of arguing with anyone people need to make their own piece with this or stay at war their call. I would always ask what that belief is benefiting for you and not argue with them. I pray like everyone else probably a lot less than everyone else (maybe I pray in my own way) one of the V/P asked why the Divine answered my call. The word love popped into my head. I mean I have tried hard to embrace compassion they mock me repeatedly because off this. I don’t know, I would imagine others have more love than I do like monks and stuff and like good people nurses etc. Honestly I don’t know. I have memory’s of things but I don’t know.

I have beliefs around certain things I got from mediation. They involve death at a young age and that they would have had such a painful life it was taken from them to begin again in a better life as fucked as that sounds. I have this belief it was feed back to me be a reliable medium that I know why this happens. Again this is my belief I would never argue with anyone, I feel this just fits with God/Goddess is Love. And again some children that live for a while can bring such light to the world it is incredible. I have no idea where this is all coming from other than it just feels right and I am crying with no idea why and the V/P are about to flip out. I work in love and light and ask them to leave. “

So that is my update for last while I got some cards designed during this time and believe I am blessed if a bit mad. I wish everyone well. I feel good and life is good. Enjoy the xmass and New Year. Might start posting again more regularly if I have anything interesting to post.

Until next time

Love and Light

Keep up the Good fight