Petition for Amber:

Hi hope all well. Hope you do not take offense at opinion below. I like to think of opinions as onions some you bite into raw not good don’t like, some you are fried with steak and well they taste nice. Be careful of whose onions you taste – that’s all on you.

I hear voices and have been diagnosed with Schizophrenia. I interact with Spirit and the Divine and give unusual opinions or onions. Below is not meant to give offense meant to write something similar when I heard about Johnny Depp but did not think I could or would make sense. Not sure it does now but feels like I just want to get it off my chest. I think I am turning into a grumpy old man who gives out about everything. Not sure I care either way.

A Prayer for Amber Heard and Johnny and the Great Herd:

I reckon by cultural standards I know of and experience most days. Amber Heard is not so bad rough start to life that’s it, might be a bit of a well not very nice person but by cultural standards I have meet she a f**king Saint. I really believe this. Please don’t kill me I just have seen this played out in life now and then.

Public opinion V’s  lemming    (is there really a difference in the heat of things)

 NOUN

lemmings (plural noun)

1. a small, short-tailed, thickset rodent related to the voles, found in the Arctic tundra.
   1. a person who unthinkingly joins a mass movement, especially a headlong rush to destruction:

“the flailings of the lemmings on Wall Street”

To Compare for Example:

I met one woman who drove a car into her boyfriend because he was driving her nuts broke both of his f**king legs why she was annoyed at him Amber just took the tip of his finger.

Heard another woman bit a dudes dick clean off a drove around in car with it in her mouth and spat it out a window like fair enough he was doing the dirt, but Amber only took the tip of his finger. Come on.

I know of one guy cut his dick off after having a conversation with his ex (wow ex’s right) he just lost interest in it that much after one conversation. I mean she just took the tip of his finger. (Guy could not stop the blood in Hospital sowed on after). This could be considered extremely manipulative and abusive by the woman in question. You should not remove body parts I agree but they were married it got heated I have heard off stories of people well throwing things and harming each other. I mean back in the day the Irish Mum would beat the head off you for looking at her wrong. It’s an Irish Thing. We Changed mostly.

She did some cocaine so the f**k what. I know of stories they had to change the shelfs in the toilets as so much of this was done in the pubs. I mean Divorce’s can be messy to my knowledge they can be horrible once they open up on each other.

I read a story the other day that said at a family party someone wrote in feces on the wall on the Bathroom “There is no Toilet Paper” I mean F**k Me a Family party. What she did was rude and wrong I am not arguing that.

Just she is not the worst Bad person we need as Good Folk to Point he Finger and say ohh we were so fooled by you on purpose on Full Lemmings Blaze and hurt the pure innocent Johnny. We feal so hurt let us repeat the exact same f**king thing on Amber. The Fuck.

The Marriage went pear shaped in all honesty who the F**k Knows what went in it.

I mean seriously to any folk understand the concept of personal responsibility of what they said and maybe did to the Good Johnny Depp. Never mind what she said in their full on Lemmings Blaze at him now aimed at her.

I am not saying she is in a good place or even a good person, but by the cultural standards I have heard of and met she is not the worst, and nobody deserves the public lemmings at work at that scale. First, they charge full tilt at Johnny laid waste on the guy because they could that’s it no other reason.

It would have not mattered what she said the target was painted they let loose with full intent. I stopped reading the stuff about the guy it was horrible. That was just a short time ago. I don’t think you get over that ever. Lemmings Win.

In theory in that time frame, we could have just let the guy be, we could have told him sort yourself out some might have even tried to support him under other right saintly lemmings giving them a bit of grief for being Good Folk.

We could have done what the humans do best absolutely shred the fucking shit out of the guy. Aren’t we Super Lemmings. What happened to supporting each other I saw something once a tribe in Africa when someone does something wrong, they take him to the middle of the village light a fire and sing his praises in a circle around him some believe they had that this helped and supported the community and individual for the better.  We consider them backwards. F**k knows why when I look at us more civilized folk I mean Lemmings. I think I don’t know I was branded with schizophrenia in my studies of it I am considered a bit below average IQ. Ouch a little till I met the Mental Health team and there response and thought their all psychos to be honest.

I have a memory from somewhere there was a TV broadcaster who did something off and the good folk or lemmings as a phrase I like to coin charged at her in righteous indignation at such a character of low morale fiber. I reminded she killed herself because of the weight of public opinion. Lemmings Win.

If memory serves, I remember a broadcaster reporting on same and saying we should put laws in place to insure this does not happen again against one individual or it will just continue on and on.

I guess we just continued without a care Johnny could of died by his own hand in that year or so just by the weight of public opinion, Lemmings Win almost, but he lived Thank God.

People could see Amber Heard as a Shitty person (forgive the pun also if you laughed like why they were both in Hell and not f**king well) but how they react to her is completely a sign as they are they the same shitty person they view her as or mind their business or they could try help her and see her as a troubled person who could do with a hand. Honestly, I hope she is not dead in a year by her own hand.

Lemmings Win. Thank God for Good people in the World. Thank Good Johnny made it at such a righteous charge of lemmings on his person. Lemming Lose. So close I heard it took its toll on him.

I mean the lemmings in ohh so righteous air bit questionable themselves. Publicly verbally f**k you and then Publicly offer you 10 million at this glorious f**king moment of your life (Divorces right messy) pay you to bend over in some Porn to some delightful dude to by the bunch of lemmings that talk sh*t and be be less than slightly Saintly themselves and would enjoy watching same in righteous indignation, I am sure. Lemmings Win. I see Mortal Compat in mind with Fatality as Lemmings pose with smile the Devil himself would cringe at. I would question even if the Dark Mother would take a second look at them and if she did not sure they would want that face of her.

The comments I read on Facebook “It’s all over This is all your Good for” Men and Woman that claim a righteous air and feminists as well nothing personal if your worth is based at taking cheap shots at this person in this position now that’s a reflection of you. Instead of Johnny she is declared fair game in the now (looks a bit iffy to me)

I remember a while back, I think I looked at Johnny and they were f**king him hard publicly without lube I mean nasty. Public declared open season on him, and lemmings followed full charge and tilt.  I prayed for him I had a strong feel it would change if he lived long enough, he did Thank God. Ahh Lemming Loose. What a Shame.

Look if they were at a point shit is in the bed f**k knows what happened between them. I don’t want to know leave them both alone. I pray for them both for 15 months of marriage they both paid one Hell of a price. I hope there was at least some Joy in the bloody thing.

Imagine your life a rough start (some abuse or other I don’t know the full details) to life its psychiatry labelled you unpleasant to say the least the Bi-Polar label has been used to write off bothersome woman for a long time, (I believe this term was used in some articles I looked up.) I did not follow the case I don’t like watching public lashings. Not my think.

Every Lemming out then less than Saintly acting the c**t every chance with self-righteous air and smile even the Devil would cringe at. All Righteous air and Grace of course. I question if the Good Jesus or The Dark Mother would bother with them or teach a lesson no one will hear.

I mean they accused her of being a disaster of a woman for using the women’s movement. Are you f**king Kidding me it happens for whatever reason, it’s a divorce “All fair in love and war as they say”. I don’t agree with but that was the position I thought they were in. I always liked the term everyone is working and uses their own truths and life can get messy. There are still 100% bad guys no question but f**k me everyone lies or tells their truth who am I to Judge may the God Lord above at least spare me being a good and righteous Lemming on full charge I pray at least.

I even discussed this once with a group of women some agreed they saw people do this but she could not say anything because you just can’t as may some under full attack of the Lemmings on full charge with intent locked in and fully set. You would not last a week.

I mean it’s a divorce they are messy to say the least to any who went through them.

I Pray for both these two folks in the marriage as I did for Johnny first day. May Amber Heard be safe and if she comes under constant charge of the Lemmings May Her Highest Powers Angels and Archangels and Guardian Angel Keep Her Safe and those that attack her at well not exactly the highest moment of her life. May these Lemmings in there incredible thrust of shooting from the hip be politely reminded of there omm so righteous selves are not so squeaky clean to say the least. I mean look in the mirror for the love of God and Goddess at least once please.

May we be careful 

on our Ohh so righteous  

horse or you may be  

reminded of your Ohh so 

righteous deeds. 

Oh Holy Holy me 

May I not fall off my  

Holy Horse on to my 

Holy Ass and look silly 

indeed. 

I not saying she is a Nice Person just acting like we can say and do anything about her now the verdict shows we can act like and Well Be Not Nice People to her reminds me of the colosseum and the crowds baying for blood and bread with eyes seeing red. Hopefully as a group one day we can just grow a little past this. Please, It Shall Be.

It is always Good in Love and Light

Mike Ryan

May we all be safe from

the ever so righteous

charge of the Heard

of Lemmings we

could face

ourselves at

any turn.

Ship in a Storm

Hi, I Hear Voices and interact with Spirit and the Divine. I write little story’s with a pinch of salt in mind. Hope you enjoy be aware they can be colorful in language and topic.

Ship in a Storm

So, there he was man considered small and if ill temper and deed. A small cowardly man of small mind laughed and scorned, and they name they gave these People of ill temper and ill deed focused with true intent of evil nature and deed determined and knowing to the point of not caring not only for Human nature or their own kin, never mind the anything even resembling the truth never mind this man considered beastly in nature and deed and mad and not a very smart for he does his best poor dear.

He channels energy of massive and intelligent nature from most high balancing and delivering of darkness and light to higher calling balanced in good deed.

These people of evil nature and deed in numbers and power grazing and festering of their own ill nature and deed. Feed him energy of ill nature and deed most unpleased but this little creature they feed, and lecture made some friends of beneficial and interesting nature have been most helpful indeed and with luck will help others like him who hear demons of ill nature for many centuries to come. He wishes all well in such times.

To have been any support to such good folk he finds humbling indeed for when they are ready to receive in times to come in need. They will have gifts of great nature only they could hold and empathize deeply for they have pain so deep their mind creaked and cracked under pressure pain from people of ill nature and deed, but the more possibility of light balanced with darkness this path is always an option.

This little creature this pup they called and wrongly accused of ill deed on a good lady. They send in front of firing squad of another good and fair lady.

Day and night they battered him a ship in a storm more than used to weather sails up with slight middle finger raised with yell in heart but not out loud for a quite man of deed. Sits in front of the good fair lady of far-off land with still a slight candle lit for same.

Truth she seeked are rear quantity indeed. Truth, she commanded he speak and but his mind they tainted he replied ask your own with and odd reply of I am not sure. Upon checking she found this supposed little man innocent even do his reply’s seemed sluggish and shy and prerecorded how odd they thought indeed. When she asked of course I am innocent for I have no such interest indeed but perhaps those of ill need and deed have been shown for a little of what they are.

The meeting ended well with complaints on the energy work he had done all in good spirits.

Now these creature’s of ill need and creed so sure of righteous in pocket. Get up close to this supposed small minded and stupid man though so small off deed. Try to make a deal with him to damage what little his mind and body have left.

To make him look stupid and small of mind They looked sounded so big and bad with deal made and gloating in toe. He takes one look you fool as stupid as I am I would never broker such a deal for the the Good Lord fights my battles and any who seek to make deals with me speak to him first and a few good friends I have made under his watchful eye. Just to be on the safe side.

You might have been better making a pact with the devil indeed for now you no doubt will perform many a good deed and be of good nature for at least at least a few in need.

Furious this ill person the thoughts of it outsmarted by this pup in front of her. Screams like devil in need did not the good fair lady you had a shine for accuse you of ill deed to another good lady are you do not hate both who set you up and lied to you those you thought friends indeed. Never forget we will catch you and something with teeth she smiled large as sharks indeed.

After a breath he removes swords from back for many have been pulled and forgiven and offered to trade on high in forgiveness for the power of such is support for good folk when need.

He replies we all tell the truth in our own ways and Hate is simple a path to Hell to well-trodden by many he feels no need to add to for he has chosen another path a higher path of a higher calling he tries once again not to stub toe on.

It is always Good in Love and Light.

Mike Ryan

The Light in the Darkness

I hear voices and interact with Spirit and the Divine and unfortunately people now and then. This can lead to some rather unusual experiences. I like to call My Little Stories I write with a pinch of salt.

Below is a bit Dark would not read if not in mood and as always with a Good pinch of salt as dark poetry

J & C in Love and Light always

It’s a hole that consumed many 

whole. An orifice is known and 

unknown from which shit 

flowed in many directions 

consumed by the masses 

whole who danced with 

delight and its taste and 

danced in delight for 

more. 

What flowed from its holes 

are comparable  to tidal 

waves of flies and shit.

With smiles all around 

covered in same.

Death itself would stand

up and take notice at the

the stench of untruth from 

such high places.

Consuming all in its wake 

with little care and thought 

and deed for any other 

then the chant of 

WE WIN,

WE WIN, 

WE WIN.

It’s insanity they crave.

Day and night it rants 

and raves. Till even 

the crows and ravens 

make note at its craze.

No deeds too cheap 

none too dirty all is 

hidden under its

silent gaze.

The dead layout before 

it’s an ever-so-righteous gaze. 

The defeated and shamed

they cry, kneel before us 

as we laugh and gaze.

It is shit we feed open 

wide and feed before

ohh ever so righteous

gaze.

Defeated and dazed left 

crazed in the desert with 

thirst for truth but never 

phased. As they looked 

and gazed and taunted 

with Devil’s gaze and

ever so righteous 

gaze.

They stab and poke in

the hope of anything alive 

bite us they laugh so we

can have an ever so clever 

gaze. Just one bite they cry

 after years in the desert in

a buzzards cave.

The Goddess they cried

fowl off very cleverly points 

what’s left of him to heavenly

gaze him in heavenly gaze 

with prayer in mind with a little 

bite and craze.

To Jesus he prays to his knees

he gets with standard raised.

The armor is well worn and 

repaired with strength 

renewed in righteous gaze.

He kneels before God with

Prayer in the blaze.

Your judgments are given from

darkness and cave. Now see the

 light as he stands and casts back

 the gathered darkness and masses

 with desert ablaze.

Standing defiant till the end with head 

bowed but not to the darkness as

buzzards with truth from holes and

orifices over flowing flies and shit 

from the grave of the unknown.

In Jesus we trust in Jesus we Pray,

It is always Good in Love and Light and to humbly give praise.

Keep up the Good fight.

The Label

Hi I Hear Voices , Just blowing of a little steam below it is not meant to be offensive but probably is might be best avoided if not in a good place

The Schitz

You all got the mass schitz. Psychiatrists got this covered; they call it something like mass psychosis or group psychosis. A group of people have a certain amount of beliefs all considered completely delusional. I didn’t say nothing you hearing the voices.

I believe they have labels and lots of medication that goes with this. For example imagine you don’t know me, you are on your own, having this experience and you are trying to explain this to your family but they say nope you nuts. To be fair they try the

Spiritual types they say nicely you nuts but they try.

Imagine you try to explain this to your GP he says nope your nuts.

Imagine trying to explain this to various Psychiatrists, psychologists ,therapists and councilors yup they all say you nuts but most are very nice about.

Word of advice don’t tell close friends when driving cars no matter how much they insist to tell them you got the schitz they might crash the fucking car.

So if I hear something “I don’t understand you”. Off you go try to explain to your Local Psychiatrist but don’t  mention me just some guy/woman is causing all these things to you.

See how far you get you hear voices that’s the Schitz.

You have delusional beliefs (any spiritual beliefs anything outside cultural narrative ) that’s the Schitz.

You have tactile sensations you got the Schitz.

You see folk doing things you believe you are causing or are done through you that’s all the Schitz.

You believe in miracles, that’s the Schitz.

You cannot express even a fraction of human anger anymore as you a psycho as you got the Schitz.

There are people outside doing things or listening to you, that’s the Schitz.

People are talking in your head like you 100% sure like you know nope thats the schitz fucked if you will convince them that. Fuck me I tried did not do me any good.

More or less everything you say from that point on it’s the Schitz and they got the smarties for everything.

A few months inside you don’t respond to treatment you just shut up about everything and act normal and fit in, you go back the fuck in and come out worse just to back the fuck in to come out worse, if the pills don’t  work you be lucky if they don’t electric shock your head but they all nice and doing there best and talk to real nice and its lovely and friendly and clean and warm and safe. Personally I have no idea what the fuck they on about but it sounds very professional.

You don’t understand me, try it, see how far you get if you survive the first 5 years, a certain percentage do not . You more or less just settle into it and relax, just the same old thing, nothing new.

Life just goes on and you just keep on trucking that’s it, Weird shit everywhere just fucking everywhere Heaven Hell the whole deal.

They stick the label Schitz on you that’s it you might be somewhat frowned on in the society that happily gave you same label as you met a bastard along the way

You just keep going cause you know you stop you go back in you got the Schitz they all say you nuts and you look so normal in so many ways.

If you got the schiz you get a special medal, most of the folk inside think you nuts, nice folk do. 

They do their best and you leave fucking worse and just start again. So No, you just keep going and going and going and going cause its all Fucked and its all Great on and on and on.

Don’t tell anyone about Spirit cause now that’s the Schitz, Keep your mouth shut just keep going till you don’t.

Given the situation, make you think about the Mass Schitz thing I mean W.T.F.

This is the gift they gave me fucked if I did not find a gift in it as well and a few similar souls with big hearts.

It is always good in Love and Light.

The Story of Writing a Story:

Hi, I hear voices and interact with Spirit and the Divine giving really odd experiences which can be interesting, to say the least. Thanks for Reading have a Good day.

My Little Story

The Story of Writing a Story:

So, there he was minding his own business as a good man should. Doing his bit of work not to stressful but doing his bit. Listening to some tunes.

The internet was off all morning but suddenly it came to life and in came the bastard’s in numbers and power on full display having the audacity to compare themselves to Good Lady he met on a Stormy night a few days before.

Shouting they are better and various bollixery of the virtuous and ever so pios Red Haired Lady and her ever so Saintly Protectors up on their boxes of Fire and Brime stone and ego’s blazing away with all sorts of bollixery in action.

He thought what do the bastard’s want now and remembered the story he had written as they annoyed baffled him a bit with the word love in relation to odd demon folk. They were driving at him with full intent and bollixery on show.

The energy he calls the Good Witch warned him there is pain in the story, he read it and posted anyway. He felt a large energy clearing around him, like his truth was spoken, the story before had released something he did not know what but it was a lot.

There was a calm everything went quiet he started working away again. He was flying away at the work delighted his brain was functioning again at least for a while.

The bastard’s had regrouped after their loss of me posting the story. The bastard’s came back in full flight he felt a feed of energy his hands shook it felt like they were trying to show him pure rage. He relaxed into it and it felt nice like he could eat it and them whole with little effort. They drove on more rage his hands shook and he relaxed into it and it felt comfortable and nice albeit a bit wobbly.

He had not felt that alive and full of life like that in years. It was great. It was like they hit him with lightning, and it felt invigorating and nice and he could eat them whole but did nothing.

He felt the Good Witch energy he took it she was helping him it then blended straight into different Divine energy of Mr. H and his energy was solid and just sat their voices and folk and bastards blazing and he just sat there glowing of energy and did nothing. Headphones blazing away Florence and the machine he could relate to her singing she was a mess and the Divine energy blended with him just solid.

He just sat there silently and did nothing.

A little time passed, and it all subsided to nothing. All the energies calmed down. He got on with the day’s work.

He thought their fragile egg like ego’s could not even handle a man who hears voices who has been chewed and spat out so much he forgets he has a body and thought so lowly by those so high and mighty just posting a little Story written previously. How weak and sad their poor ego’s must crack very easily.

They blazed away with little effect more than a distraction and towards the end of the day he looked at the bastard as such and said you did not even make a dent in me today I will flush the loo and forget you sleep at the end of the day and just start again and again and again. It might be a long evening.

I am Saved I give thanks for another day I stand when need and bow when should.

It is always good in love and light.

The Light The Dark and The Evil

Hi hope all well,

Below is some thoughts it is not meant to give offense but just trying to get it out off my head.

I have been debating stuff in my head about Light & Darkness and Evil.

For example Love which I would say is light if something went wrong with the ones we care for it might get the reaction of shall we say. For the ones I love I will do great and terrible things. This is then is darkness to me but it is in Light. So Darkness in Light at least in my mind.

Now I would be into the whole Love and Light guy more or less for ever and will always be. However I channel energies bigger than me which I respect. And I always start from a place of love and light or the light and the Good Jesus and the protection of Michael Archangel .

I have been abused in violent ways which gives I guess a darkness/pain in me. Now I do the whole protection thing been doing it for years. But now and then an energy turns up and grapes you by the heart and you ain’t walking away singing cumbia and no protection is getting rid of it.

It is part of me as the energies I channel are essentially part of who I am. That does not mean I channel every dark external energy but certain energies are not really external as best I can tell they are essesntialy part or an energetic expression of who I am or part of me.

I have been violently abused there is pain and darkness I guess to an unreasonable level. Giving rise to me either attracting these energies or simply acknowledging they are me or part of me.

That does not mean I accept any energy of a dark nature into my being just the ones that are essentially me or an expression of parts of me that are in pain or darkness. They ones are not really the ones you don’t get to say no too they ain’t going away.

Some energies I send away or deny as I can just tell that ain’t me and are flat out external and of no use and just evil not darkness.

That said you wake at 3:30 am with an energy gripping your heart squeezing the light and life out of it with pure dread. Breathing heavy and more or less what the fuck you going to do now. I do my usual love and light but ask it can we be good friends which ends up me more or less channeling and can use this energy now and it comes out when folk are well being a bit over violent and evil.

That said I control that energy as it is bigger than me and to be cautious off it out of respect alone. Also I heal or transmute this energy as it represents pain or dread or anger and I have been doing so with a little bit of success.

So to me this is the light in the darkness. I would like to think I would be able to work in healing with folk who have this darkness as it is in me as well but it reperents something to be healed in me not going off doing dark stuff which to me would be evil but as mentioned this can be done from the light as well. I hope that makes sense

So to me there is Light and Darkness and there is light and darkness in both and there is a whole other category of evil which is a mad mix of above. Also this does not mean I go running around looking for dark energies or even studying dark stuff just simply acknowledging some energies simply represent me and what was done to me and to heal it.

I have no idea if that makes sense and I will probably change my mind in a week. Let me know what you think it the comments.

I realize above is not every ones cup of tea so I would not argue just agree to disagree.

Love and Light Keep up the Good Fight

It’s nice to be Nice.

Environment Hearing Voices

Hi, hope all is well have not posted in a while but thought of below today during the experience of critical voices.

The environment I am in there is fairly malevolent energy from some members of the community so when you are there you get them and as a voice-hearer as voices you get them calling you psycho and schizo and worse as voices when you are not there and when you are there it’s both. It is them 24/7 in your dreams etc. For years. (This is staying out of more paranoid and fanciful thought about this and that)

Until I figure out how to get out of that toxic environment. I cannot imagine a recovery no matter how many pills I try they are still there going at it causing the same voices of toxic nature and tactile sensations of a disgusting nature on me.

I can’t imagine anyone viewed as such in the same environment would do much better.

I would require a fairly large dose of medication so I would be dysfunctional which I do not fancy.

I am not sure what a Psychiatrist or GP can do about that. It will stay the same until I get to a better environment but I will try to things of course.

I remember my training saying the environment is important in healing I guess this is a reminder of how much.

Love and Light Keep up the Good Fight.

Mr Pete the Voice

Below is a sort of presentation from my Voice Mr. Pete of what a critical voice is under his understanding. I will not go into how it was communicated other than it was communicated.

It was intelligently done at the time, and I cannot do it justice, but I will try. It involves some of my experiences mixed in it is sort of me at the start and blends to him and to me again.

I once watched a video by Elanor Longden, in it I thought she said I am compassionate to my voices, and she says I get along with my voices and all is good. So, I thought to myself I will be compassionate to my voices, and all will be well. See link below to her Ted Talk.

So, I tried for a while, and they basically told me “Fuck off”. I felt disheartened and rejected by my voices, this hurt. So, I went back and watched the video again. Showing the voices compassion and building a relationship would take time and practise. From that day I worked hard and would use humour and various things to try build a relationship with the voices.

So, I would try find meaning to my voices. I came up with various things over the years one of them Mr Pete explains.

The voices are in pain they can be repressed or dissociated emotions, so they use the language of pain.

Let me try and explain what I mean by this. You are sitting down minding your own business having a cuppa and someone wonders by, and smiles says hello in a friendly manner. This places you in a good mood. The next person walks by asks how you are. You say I am good thanks this is not the language of pain.

Now imagine this narrative again. You are sitting down minding your own business with a cuppa someone walks by smiles and smashes a mallet into your knee. You spill your tea you are more than a little upset. The next person walks by and calmly asks you how you are. You reply in very colorful expletives possibly flipping the bird with very angry eyes.

This could be considered the language of pain.

Now remember the pain from the critical voice is mental trauma from being violated from rape, violence, and many of the unacceptable behaviours perpetrated by members of society. Some may not seem trauma based and may not be but in general critical voices have some bases in trauma of some kind.

Now if you imagine the critical voice has been limping around for years crying for help the person hearing the voice can end up at logger heads with it, the rest of the family can be telling it to fuck off and also trying to quiet the voice with various medication (nothing wrong with meds they just don’t work for everyone).

Thanks To above from Mr. Pete I hope I did the idea justice (I feel the rest of my voices had some input in this, they are currently making farting noises to object to me writing this.)

For example, I don’t feel lonely anymore, which as a human being does not make sense to me. I spend a huge amount of time alone it just suits me. I would happily sit down listen to music (which is a blessing) and forget the world exists after my weeks work. But some of my voices would like company and are lonely and express this in the language of pain. Which like the person holding his knee from the mallet blow can be colorful.

On a side note, the person receiving the mallet blow from someone smiling would be a bit dubious of people approaching smiling as learned from past experience. (Psychiatry can diagnose responses to this which to me seems a bit mad)

I simple understanding the person is nervous about smiling people approaching them and just needs a bit of help and discussion around this would be much more useful than medicating them.

Hope above makes sense just trying to understand the world which from my perspective is completely mad and we agree cultural narratives and community narratives some of which can be useful, but some are extremely harmful to us and those around us.

Let’s change the narrative

let’s look outside our personal narrative

to understand other narratives and the

cultural narrative with curiosity and empathy

and see the effect we are having on each other.

May we learn to good people

who let good people be

and help when we can.

Love & Light Keep up the Good Fight

Mike

Hearing Voices V’s Marathons

Hi, hope your well. Just some thoughts to get out of my head. So sticking here. I was in a hearing voices group the other day and got to thinking about some of the toughest marathons I have done. I barely run around the house these days but I am getting back into shape.

I ran the Dublin marathon it was my third marathon and it was bloody brutal but I got around. On the drive up to Dublin from Cork the sister stomach got sick and she started puking, she was driving but we got there.

I got up the next morning and my stomach was sick and I did not feel 100% I had to make a decision to run or not to run. I had spend months training and travelled up from Cork and paid to stay in Hotel over night. So I was going running. I hit around mile 12 I actually felt fine at about mile 12 and a half I completely feel to pieces. My body just lost all energy I had nothing left in the tank, I was beat and done. I was strongly considering sitting down and waiting for the ambulance at the back of the marathon to catch up and just pick me up on the way. This was my third marathon and I don’t like to give up being given labels like schizophrenia etc. I always had a little something to prove.

My voices were quite at the time but did mention the whole failure as a schizophic. I made the decision to keep going and said to them just one step at a time and see what happens. They went quite with a caution maybe it was time to sit this one out.

They had loud clackers as we went around people would clack them in your face to encourage you. I kept feeling I was going to throw up every time someone did. I remember a kid doing so and I could not even respond, he said why did I not respond to his parents and I muttered I am in struggling and managed a smile.

Every mile hurt but step by step I just kept moving along. I have no idea how but got from mile 12 to 26 As I crossed the finish line I remember hearing aloud banging sound. I had no idea what it was and then realized it was the sound of my feet hitting the grounded very heavily as I crossed the finish line. My leg cramped violently and I could not run another step but I did not need to. This a picture of myself going around no clue what mile, I hardly look the picture of health. If I ever think of running a marathon please have me committed ( just kidding please don’t I have had the experience not a good look ).

I would consider hearing voices a blessing but at times it can truly be testing and almost impossible. I have spend years at relative piece with my voices from a place of utter hell with them. They had a melt down again last year but with a few ups and downs I am on the mend again. A change of address to the countryside helped a lot.

I was thinking of the early days I had my more intense voice hearing days. I was asked by my father to just sweep up the floor in the workshop he was moving out off. I began sweeping what should off taken a 10 minute job dragged on way to long. The voices just went ape it just felt like they where shouting and pushing me down with what felt physical force or emotions of an unpleasant nature. I ended up sitting on the floor with a pile of dust sweeped up with brush in hand task completed and I felt broken and just sat there listening to voices just unload on me. This was the early stage of this part of the hearing voices in my life I had no coping mechanisms and no idea which was up or down or what was going on.

This simple task was just heart breaking, I mean I just felt broken. I would consider this simple task a lot harder than running the marathon above and that f**ker was tough.

If my voices tried this now it is still difficult but it would have no ware the same effect and I can usually get things done. Time, experience and searching for healing and what works is truly important.

I have started my own HV group on a Sunday at 4pm Irish Time. It is just for voice hearers feel free to drop by if so. See zoom link below.

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/89201253186

Love and Light Keep up the Good fight.

Give your self a Pat on the back.

Once upon a time I ran many races from 5k, 10 miles to 15 miles to my crowning achievement the marathon. I slogged around 3 of them. As a rule of thumb, I my enjoyment would generally rest on a fast time or racing some person I knew nothing about panting and wheezing my way along struggling to maintain a pace I probably should not be maintaining. Below is from my first half marathon I went out way to fast nearly passed out chasing some time or other, I nearly cried at the end seeing the finish line such was my relief for making it around I did not think I was going to make it.

I would go out on 18 to 20 mile runs first thing in the morning with no breakfast looking for the right time and pace and cadence and heart rate. I would run 4 hours and not be happy because my heart rate and pace where off by something or other. I would be a bit cranky because of this. I ran 50 plus mile weeks. Rarely happy but always trying to improve on this and that by my watch which fed me all sorts if weird information.

All the running and I missed something. Just be happy with where I was while trying to improve. I hit a tough patch when I crashed my motorcycle and broke my shoulder my health did not really recover and then went through a tough time with mental health kept indoors a lot like a lot of people with Covid around. The result is I could barely run around the house for 5 minutes. Ouch!!

The sister sends on an app from couch to 5k in 9 weeks. I am on week 6 and finding it tough but enjoyable. The time passes whether we try something or not, so I am up and running again at the young age of 45 to get fit and healthy. I appreciate where I am. It takes an effort to get the runners on (over the belly it does honest). And to get out and move for a half an hour or so.

I am looking forward to running for full half an hour and I am happy where I am at because I cannot get to running half an hour until I do what I can now. I take a moment at the end of each session to give thanks for the effort I am making now. I would have not done this while running 20 plus miles. I kind of feel sorry for where my mind was at, at the time. Just chill enjoy the run and the effort my body and person were making. I feel I could not see that at the time and as a person I need to step back and just pat myself on the back for where I am now and enjoy the journey a bit more.

I find it odd I needed to get to a place where I am not doing well physically to start appreciating where I am a bit more not just saying but feeling it. It is like in a very goal orientated society I sort of feel I have reached my goal by just accepting myself for where I am at and just working away at thinks and try enjoying them.

In kind of feel this applies to all parts of my life not just running. So, try it today pat yourself on the back just purely for where you are and feel that for a few seconds.

Love and Light Keep up the Good Fight.

Mike